


Time and Time Again

by fuzipenguin, Snailtrain



Category: Transformers - All Media Types
Genre: Blood and Injury, Depression, Established Relationship, M/M, Other, Suicidal Thoughts, Temporary Character Death, Time Loop, Twincest, hand wavey science
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-17
Updated: 2019-08-17
Packaged: 2020-09-05 23:56:16
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 21
Words: 21,849
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20281999
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/fuzipenguin/pseuds/fuzipenguin, https://archiveofourown.org/users/Snailtrain/pseuds/Snailtrain
Summary: Sideswipe wakes up and goes about his day, not realizing that in a few hours everything will change when he's killed in battle. And then he wakes up again, thinking it was all just a bad dream. Except he dies again. And wakes up again. And again and again and again...





	1. Day Zero

**Author's Note:**

> Time loop fic! All deaths are temporary; some injuries and deaths are more gruesome and descriptive than others. Please see end notes of each chapter for potential triggers

The explosion shook the entire Ark, echoing throughout the hallways. Able to transition into full awareness from a deep recharge in less than two seconds, Sideswipe rolled to his feet to address the potential threat.

Or, at least he tried to. He had forgotten that he had gone into recharge on the couch, so he overestimated his roll and more or less just thrashed around until he was on his knees.

Nevertheless, his battle programs were completely online and even as he flailed, all of his senses were extended, searching for enemies. Except he couldn’t find any.

“It was Wheeljack,” Sunstreaker said in a sigh. He poked his head around the edge of the washrack door and raised an orbital ridge when he saw Sideswipe still kneeling. “Forget you were on the couch?”

Sideswipe scrubbed a hand over his optics, feeling his lower back twinge when he struggled to get to his feet. Ugh. He hated to be reminded that he was no longer as young as he used to be. Not that he was old either, but the battle injuries had certainly added up over the centuries and some days he felt them more than others.

Definitely on the mornings after recharging on the couch. 

“Yeah. How was the berth? Comfy? Spacious?” Sideswipe snarked, twisting from side to side to loosen up the aching back cables.

Sunstreaker sniffed haughtily. “It was, actually. Maybe you should stop torqueing me off so you can enjoy it more.”

“What did I do this time?” Sideswipe asked, honestly at a loss. He hadn’t known last night either, only that Sunstreaker had taken one look at him when he came in after his patrol and told him in no uncertain terms that he was sleeping on the couch for the night.

“Oh, despite my protests of innocence, Prowl still considered me an accomplice to your stupid prank on Ironhide,” Sunstreaker replied, emerging from the stall and tossing his wet towel into the receptacle. “I had to clean the Medbay surgery floors… with a toothbrush. I _still_ feel filthy, and I already showered three times.”

Sideswipe winced. “Er… sorry about that. I told Prowl you had nothing to do with it, but apparently he didn’t believe me either. I’ll give you a wax later to make it up to you, ok?”

Sunstreaker sniffed again and crossed his arms over his chest as Sideswipe approached him. “I’ll let you although I still won’t forgive you.”

“You know, you could try being mad at Prowl for once,” Sideswipe suggested, stopping when the tips of his pedes nudged his brother’s. Then he leaned in and nuzzled his nasal ridge against Sunstreaker’s cheek. “And you’ll forgive me. You always do.”

“Hmph. I _am_ mad at Prowl,” Sunstreaker said, going still for a moment before the tension drained out of him. He pressed his cheek against Sideswipe’s, reaching out and resting a hand on his hip. “I _might_ forgive you… you do have great hands.”

Sideswipe leaned back, beaming at his twin. “Yeah, I do. Want to check on Wheeljack before we pick up a cube or leave that disaster with Ratchet?”

“Oh, no,” Sunstreaker said with a snort. “I’m not going anywhere near the science wing. Wheeljack is Ratchet’s responsibility. I have enough to deal with with you. Fuel, then training.”

“Sir, yes, sir!” Sideswipe replied, giving a sloppy salute.

\--

They actually ended up going to Wheeljack’s lab first anyway. Apparently the explosion had collapsed part of the ceiling and Wheeljack was trapped in the room. There were no active fires, although there was a lot of smoke and dust, which was causing him some ventilation issues. Ratchet didn’t want to wait for Grapple and the other maintenance bots to carefully remove the debris but had called on Sideswipe to pile drive his way through the wall.

“Are you sure there’s nothing behind here?” Sideswipe asked, warily looking at the section of wall Ratchet had indicated.

“Wheeljack said nothing of importance,” Ratchet replied, gesturing impatiently for Sideswipe to hurry.

“Ok, fine, nothing of importance… but anything dangerous?” Sideswipe pressed. “I’m not going to be bursting through into a vat of acid, am I?”

Ratchet glared at Sideswipe, but did pause to communicate with Wheeljack, his optics flickering a moment. “He says no, you should be good.”

“Uh huh,” Sideswipe muttered, his arms transforming into his pile drivers. “What does he know? He’s high on explosion fumes.”

“If you die, I’m claiming those energon daggers you pulled off that ‘con general in Altihex,” Sunstreaker piped up from down the hall, peeking around the corner he was hiding behind.

Coward.

“If I die, I’m taking them, and you, with me,” Sideswipe pointed out. Sucking in a deep vent of the clean air in the hallway, Sideswipe started in on the wall at chest level. Because it was Wheeljack’s lab, the wall was triple enforced, so it took three times as long to punch through. As soon as he did, a blanket of thick, wet smoke smacked him in the face and he jerked back, coughing.

“Aw, man, ok, I see why you wanted him out of there,” Sideswipe choked out. “Stay back a bit, Ratch, this wall’s feeling kinda unstable,” he warned the medic when Ratchet crowded up against his back, trying to peer around him. “I’ll bring him out to you.”

“All right, fine, but hurry up,” Ratchet snapped, no doubt getting antsy. They could both clearly hear Wheeljack hacking piteously a few feet away. And while Ratchet would probably whack Wheeljack around the head a couple times after this, everyone knew he did it out of worry and love. The general consensus was that the harder he hit you, the more he liked you.

It was pretty much a tie between Wheeljack and Sideswipe over who received the deepest Ratchet-induced dents, with Ironhide and Sunstreaker coming in as very close seconds.

Sideswipe worked on steadily widening the hole until he could get through and then made it even bigger in case he needed to drag Wheelack out. After whacking the edges a couple of time to make sure nothing looked in danger of immediately collapsing, he stepped through the opening. He had to pause as soon as he did, the acrid smoke stinging his optics and obscuring his vision more than two inches in front of his face. The smoke was so thick that it was pure luck he stumbled across Wheeljack.

Literally. The tip of his pede kicked something hard and he heard Wheeljack give a faint ‘ow!’

“Hey, buddy, let’s get you out of here, ok?” he said, crouching down and patting his way up Wheeljack’s leg to his shoulder. The inventor was sitting on his aft, legs sprawled out. Down here the smoke was a little thinner and Sideswipe could see Wheeljack’s helm fins flashing dully.

Sideswipe could also see that Wheeljack was holding something in his hand and a shimmery blue liquid was pooled under one thigh. It didn’t look like any internal fluid Sideswipe had ever seen.

“Is that from you?” Sideswipe asked in concern, gesturing to the puddle.

“No… it’s… fuel source I was… working on. Won’t hurt you,” Wheeljack said, sniffling. His optics streamed coolant tears and his upper body and head looked charred, but other than that he seemed in one piece.

“Awesome. Well, come on, I can practically feel Ratchet glaring on the other side of the wall,” Sideswipe said, reaching for Wheeljack. He got a hold of him around the shoulders and hauled him upright, Wheeljack struggling to get his pedes under him. He swayed a bit so Sideswipe slipped an arm around his waist and started leading him towards the impromptu doorway.

Not even a step in and Wheeljack slipped, his foot going out from under him. He landed on one knee, Sideswipe going down with him. Sideswipe swore as his hand landed in the puddle of fluid as he tried to push them upright, the same puddle Wheeljack had probably slipped in. Fortunately, the liquid didn’t burn or otherwise cause his fingers to immediately fall off, but he’d always had a healthy respect for anything in Wheeljack’s lab. As soon as they got out of here, Sideswipe was going to hoof it to the nearest washrack. 

“Sorry, Sides. Head’s a little dizzy,” Wheeljack said. He reached out and tried to grab hold of Sideswipe’s shoulder, but his hand just skidded off, fingers crooked. Sideswipe thought it was due to an injury, but when he looked closer, he saw Wheeljack was holding something. Sideswipe took hold of Wheeljack’s wrist, turning it to see what he had his fingers clamped around.

“What’s this? Do you need it?” Sideswipe asked, peeling Wheeljack’s fingers back. He lifted the thing up into the air, peering at what looked to be a handle of some sort.

Wheeljack seemed surprised. “Huh? Oh… no, no I don’t. It’s what blew up actually.”

Sideswipe immediately threw the handle into the depths of the smoke, hurriedly tugging Wheeljack back to standing. He pulled Wheeljack with him, the back of Sideswipe’s neck prickling as he hunched his shoulders in expectation of another explosion behind them. “Why were you still holding it then?!”

“No, it didn’t blow up on its own… it’s inert, it… never mind, not important. Hi, Ratch,” Wheeljack said sheepishly as Sideswipe guided him through the ragged doorway. “It wasn’t my fault this time, I swear.”

“Uh huh. Sure it wasn’t,” Ratchet said in disbelief as Sideswipe handed the inventor over into Ratchet’s waiting hands. “Come on, let’s get you down to the Bay. Your filters are a mess and your vents are clogged… and I don’t like the sound of your engine.”

Ratchet led a stumbling Wheeljack away, disappearing down the hallway to Medical, just in time for the maintenance bots to arrive from the other direction. Grapple took one look at the hole in the wall and threw up his hands in frustration, glare fixed on Sideswipe. “What did you do?!”

“Hey, no, don’t blame me! Ratchet told me to do it!” Sideswipe said, slowly backing away. Grapple could get scary when it came to things being built or taken apart ‘wrong’. “I did my part and now I’m gonna go. Hate to be in your way and all.”

Sideswipe scuttled off, back towards his brother who was staring at Sideswipe with a wrinkled nasal ridge. Then his gaze dropped to Sideswipe’s hands and the blue dripping off his fingers. “What is _that_? Don’t come near me; you’re filthy.”

“’Jack promised it wasn’t anything lethal, but I’m going to run through the washracks real quick, just in case,” Sideswipe said. He didn’t even pretend to attack Sunstreaker with his sticky hands. His entire plating itched and he wasn’t going to chance that the creepy sensation was only psychosomatic.

“You do that. I’ll meet you in the rec room?” Sunstreaker asked as they walked, Sunstreaker keeping a healthy distance between the two of them. Sideswipe wasn’t offended… this time at least.

“Sounds good!” Sideswipe chirped, peeling off at the next intersection while Sunstreaker went straight. Sideswipe paused a moment, neck craned so he could look around the corner. “Hate to see you go, but I love to watch you leave!”

Sunstreaker silently kept on walking, but he put an extra little sashay into his step which made Sideswipe hum in appreciation. Their day off had gotten off to a bad start, but if it ended up with Sideswipe back in their berth, he’d let it slide.

The washracks were empty and it didn’t take long for either the soot or the blue liquid to wash off. He had nearly finished drying himself when the call to arms klaxon sounded. Sideswipe threw his head back and groaned piteously.

“Oh, come on!” Sideswipe whined to the sky and any deity watching. His empty tanks rumbled at him.

_Where are you?_ Sunstreaker immediately asked as the alarm’s echo rang in Sideswipe’s head.

_I was just leaving the racks_, he replied, tossing the damp towel into the laundry chute. He petulantly trudged out of the washracks and started down the hallway with a despondent stomp of his pedes. _I’ll meet you at the front entrance. Save my cube, will you?_

_Too late. I already drank it,_ Sunstreaker said and Sideswipe rolled his optics.

_Aft. See if fling myself in front of a bullet for you,_ Sideswipe said, grinning to himself.

By the time he made it to the Ark entrance, Optimus was already transforming, his engine loudly rumbling. Sideswipe quickly slid into place by Sunstreaker’s side, ignoring Brawn’s grumble when he stepped over the minibot.

“What’d I miss?” Sideswipe asked, grabbing the cube Sunstreaker handed to him and tossing the contents back. Apparently Sunstreaker still loved him after all.

Sunstreaker rolled his optics. “Cons attacked a power plant. Humans called for aid. Blah blah blah.”

“Got it. Shoot the purple faces,” Sideswipe said in summary. He sighed and flicked the cube into subspace, rolling his shoulders and feeling an uncharacteristic flare of irritation.

It never changed. Nothing ever changed. Nothing ever would unless they got off this rock. Most days Sideswipe just rolled with it. Others, he struggled not to be bogged down with depression when he thought about it.

“Shoot the purple faces,” Sunstreaker confirmed. He transformed and Sideswipe followed suite, pulling in behind him as the line of mechs raced out of the Ark.

The trip didn’t take long. By the time they arrived, about ¾ of the oil had been siphoned off, but a fair number of ‘cons were still milling about. As soon as Megatron spied them he shouted something Sideswipe couldn’t hear and everyone stopped what they were doing and started firing on the Autobots.

Sunstreaker and Sideswipe transformed out of their alt modes and rolled to their feet in near unison, breaking apart to lay down cover fire for some of the others, the ones who couldn’t transform as quickly as they could. From there, it was chaos.

Prowl was their lynchpin in battle, but apparently he had stayed back at the Ark. Optimus and Smokescreen were their next skilled tacticians but once Prime and Megatron started going at it one and one, Smokescreen had always had trouble keeping them all on track.

Not that it mattered that much to Sideswipe and Sunstreaker. They only obeyed Prowl’s directions half of the time anyway. They were skilled at moving with the flow and reacting within milliseconds to changes in the field. Some of the others… not as much.

“Watch it!” Sideswipe snapped at Bumblebee as the smaller bot stumbled into his legs. “Where are you going anyway? Go back up Blaster.”

Bumblebee shook his head as if dizzy and then nodded. “Yeah, thanks, Sides. Sorry!”

_Stop playing commander and get your head in the game,_ Sunstreaker snarled over their bond as Bumblebee darted off to do as Sideswipe had instructed.

Off to the side, Sideswipe spied a flash of gold and automatically ducked when he saw his brother’s arm raise up towards him and fire. He spared a glance behind him to see one of the ‘cons on the ground behind him, a smoking hole in his shoulder.

“What are you talkin’ about? My head’s always in the game!” Sideswipe called out, grinning at his twin.

Sunstreaker rolled his optics and opened his mouth to say something but a moment later, his optics widened. Sideswipe spun around to see Cliffjumper sprinting past him and the con’s hand rising in slow motion. Without even thinking, he reached out for Cliffjumper and grabbed him, swinging him around in a loose circle.

The shot that would have taken off Cliffjumper’s head hit Sideswipe in the back instead, the blaster fire tearing through him with an icy-hot burst of agony. His suddenly numb hands released Cliffjumper and the minibot whirled around with an angry look on face, probably from the handling. But the expression quickly morphed into something akin to shock when he spied the wound in Sideswipe’s chest.

An anguished cry trickled into Sideswipe’s audials as his legs wobbled and then went out. He collapsed to his knees and then sideways onto his hip, listing badly. By then, Sunstreaker had reached him and grabbed hold of his shoulders, indigo optics burning with battle rage.

“You idiot!” Sunstreaker shouted into Sideswipe’s face. “You’re supposed to take a bullet for _me_, not a fragging minibot!”

Sideswipe raised a hand to his chest and looked down. He couldn’t seem to stop the flood of energon that was coming out of him, tinged a sickly color from flickering sparklight. He wondered why Sunstreaker was baring his spark in the middle of a battle and he automatically reached out to try and close his brother’s plating. Then he realized Sunstreaker’s armor was whole and in place. Which meant… 

“Oh. Tha’s not good,” Sideswipe slurred, realizing that that was _his_ sparklight.

“Medic!” someone screamed as Sunstreaker collapsed to his knees, cradling Sideswipe’s face in one fluid covered hand.

“_No_. Sides, _no_, come on, not like this,” Sunstreaker said, optics wide with fear. And that more than anything unnerved Sideswipe. Nothing ever scared Sunstreaker. It was a tenant of Sideswipe’s very existence. “I’ll never… out of… again… _please_…”

There was something wrong with Sunstreaker’s voice. It kept fading in and out, words skittering away to disappear completely. Sideswipe wanted to tell him to fix it, but he was tired and his optic shutters were too heavy to keep open.

So he closed them.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Shot through the spark


	2. Loop 1

Sideswipe awoke with a gasp and he clawed at his chest, legs flailing. He felt the sensation of falling for a split second and then he crashed to the ground.

His vision was bleary until two blinks cleared it and then he gaped around at the familiar walls of his quarters. Shivering, he ducked his head and patted his hood, now completely free of any huge holes.

“Did you forget you were on the couch?”

Sideswipe’s head shot up and his spark leapt at the sight of his brother’s disdainfully raised orbital ridge. Sunstreaker’s arms were crossed over his chest as he stood in the doorway to their washracks. He looked utterly unimpressed with Sideswipe, a much better expression than the one of fear he had been sporting inside Sideswipe’s nightmare only a few moments ago.

A dream. It had all just been a dream.

He collapsed back down to his side and then rolled onto his back, covering his face with one hand. “Oh, frag me, that was the worst.”

Sideswipe concentrated on venting and slowing his fuel pump, only uncovering his face when something nudged his shoulder.

“I had a bad dream,” he informed Sunstreaker’s frown as his brother stared down at him. “Please don’t ever kick me out of bed again. That couch is evil.”

“I didn’t actually kick you out of bed. Just said you couldn’t come in to it. And maybe if you stop pulling stupid pranks that get me punished for just being related to you, I would let you come to bed in the first place,” Sunstreaker scolded. He batted away Sideswipe’s reaching hand. “Get up yourself; I’m still mad at you.”

Sideswipe shakily rolled to his knees and pushed himself upright. Before Sunstreaker could step away, Sideswipe flung his arms around Sunstreaker’s waist and buried his face in his brother’s belly. He clung, unspeakably comforted by Sunstreaker’s familiar scent and smooth plating. “I’m sorry. I told Prowl you weren’t involved but he must have not believed me. I’m sorry… please forgive me?”

He tilted his head back and stared up the length of Sunstreaker’s frame, optics pleading. It wasn’t even an act. The dream had shaken him badly and he needed things right with the world.

Or more importantly, right with his twin.

Something in his expression must have convinced Sunstreaker that he was serious because he caved far sooner than he normally would have. He rolled his optics with a sigh and nodded once. “Fine. I forgive you.”

Whooping excitedly, Sideswipe shot to his feet, placing a wet kiss on Sunstreaker’s cheek. “You’re awesome, thank you! I’ll be good from now on, promise.”

Sunstreaker’s lips quirked up at the corners. “No, you won’t. I’ve already resigned myself to that fact.”

“I can try though,” Sideswipe said, rubbing his nasal ridge against Sunstreaker’s in a slow, comforting slide. “Come on, let’s get this day going. Fuel and then training, right?”

Sunstreaker narrowed his optics at him, but slowly nodded. “Yes, that’s the plan.”

“Great! Hey… did Wheeljack explode anything this morning?” Sideswipe asked, scanning the ship wide comm lines, just in case.

“… no. Why? Is this you already going back on your promise?” Sunstreaker asked doubtfully.

Feeling a tremendous sense of relief, Sideswipe shook his head. “It’s nothing. Just checking. Come on, race you to the dispensers!”

\--

Sideswipe won, by the slimmest of margins. Sunstreaker had the heavier armor which made him just the tad bit slower. It probably also saved his life since he wasn’t all the way in the room when the dispenser blew up in Sideswipe’s face.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Non-descriptive death by explosion


	3. Loop 2

Sideswipe awoke with a gasp, rolled, and landed on the floor on his back. Once more, he was greeted to the same familiar orange ceiling, several choice Cybertronian curses inked across the surface in his own distinctive handwriting. From behind him, he heard a voice speak.

“Did you forget you were on the couch?”

No. Fucking. Way.

Sideswipe continued to stare up at the ceiling, the glyphs becoming blurry as his body tried to forget what it felt like to be torn apart into tiny little pieces. As he panted, he slowly patted himself down, reassuring himself that he was whole.

Was this actually happening? Did this _actually_ happen outside of movies and TV??

“Uh… Sideswipe?”

Sideswipe tilted his head to the side and back, seeing an upside down Sunstreaker frown at him in worry. “Yeah, Sunny?”

“… did you hit your head? Why are you just lying there?”

Sideswipe waved an airy hand through the air. “… you know. Just resigning myself to the fact that I’m apparently trapped in a time loop.”

“… what?”

\--

“It’s _got_ to be a time loop, Sunny. I’m telling you, I just died two times in a row!” Sideswipe exclaimed.

“But you’re alive now,” Sunstreaker said, with the air of someone who was pretending to indulge someone else who was clearly delusional. “What… what are you doing?”

“I’m not going in there,” Sideswipe said, warily studying the recroom. Maybe he could ask Prowl for a cube from his personal dispenser in his office. It was close by, right around the corner, in fact. “I don’t want to be blown up by the dispenser again.”

“You are a child, and I can’t believe I share a spark with you,” Sunstreaker replied exasperatedly. “Stay here then. I’ll get your cube.”

“No, no!” Sideswipe tried to grab for his brother’s arm, but Sunstreaker easily side-stepped him. He watched Sunstreaker stalk across the room, the rest of the Autobots giving him a wide berth. Sideswipe stayed halfway hidden behind the door, only his head peeking around the edge. His fingers wrung together in worry and he jumped about five feet in the air when someone cleared their intake behind him.

Back plastered to the wall and hand pressed against the plating covering his rapidly beating fuel pump, he stared up into Prime’s gently inquiring expression.

“Uhhh… hi! Hi, there, Prime, how’rya doin’?” Sideswipe blurted out.

“I am fine, thank you, Sideswipe. And you?” Optimus inquired.

Sideswipe waved an airy hand through the air. “Oh, you know…”

Optimus blinked at him in confusion. “I… do not actually. It is why I asked… is everything all right? You seem… nervous.”

“Here’s your cube.”

After another five foot jump into the air had both Sunstreaker _and_ Optimus looking at him oddly. Not that that was a new occurrence for Sunstreaker, but usually Sideswipe held it together better in front of the Prime.

“See? I survived,” Sunstreaker said, forcing the cube into Sideswipe’s hands. “Don’t mind him, Prime. He’s a little spooked after a bad dream he had this morning.”

Sunstreaker rolled his optics at Optimus and then made a face at Sideswipe before grabbing his shoulder and giving him a light shove. “Come on, you. Let’s drink on the way to the training room. Maybe a little hand to hand will work out some of your weirdness.”

“Ah. I… see,” Optimus said carefully. “I am always available if you need someone to talk to, Sideswipe.”

“I… th-that’s not… uh… thanks!” Sideswipe called over his shoulder as Sunstreaker steered him away. Once they were far enough down the hall that Optimus couldn’t hear, Sideswipe leaned into his brother.

“Thanks a lot, you glitch. Now he thinks I’m having a nervous breakdown!” Sideswipe hissed, clutching the fuel container to his chest.

Sunstreaker raised an orbital ridge at him meaningfully and took a nonchalant sip of his energon. 

“Yeah? Still think you’re going to die again today?” Sunstreaker asked.

“Oh, fuck you,” Sideswipe said sullenly, devoting his attention to the depths of his cube. He carefully stuck his index finger into the liquid before sticking it in his mouth. When he didn’t immediately keel over from poison he took a drink.

“The day’s still young,” he added after swirling the fuel around his mouth before swallowing it.

“It is,” Sunstreaker replied calmly. “But you’re not going to die, Sides; I’ll make sure of it.”

When they got to the training room, Sunstreaker staked out a corner of the mats and proceeded to aim a punch at Sideswipe’s face. Sideswipe automatically reacted and his instincts took over as Sunstreaker drew him into a brutal hand to hand training session. Sideswipe knew Sunstreaker was trying to take his mind off the time loop (Or was it just a bad dream within a bad dream? Maybe he really _had _cracked.) and he had to admit it was working.

By the time they agreed to stop, they were both panting and covered in condensation. Sunstreaker’s optics were bright and Sideswipe kept jittering in place, the earlier nervousness translated into something else. Something hot and needy.

If they hadn’t gathered an audience, Sideswipe probably would have pounced on Sunstreaker then and there. As it was, he couldn’t help but lean into Sunstreaker’s side as they left, his hand dangerously low on his brother’s back. The most telling thing was that Sunstreaker let him, his arm heavy across Sideswipe’s shoulder.

When no one else was around, Sunstreaker shoved him into one of the maintenance closets two hallways away from the gym. Sideswipe went eagerly, still a little spooked from this morning. As the minutes passed, the whole time loop thing seemed less and less believable, but he was still going to take what time with Sunstreaker he could get.

Unfortunately, before they could even get their panels popped, the call to arms klaxon sounded. Sideswipe jumped at the noise and clung to Sunstreaker, flashes of memory code speeding through his processor.

“Hey… what…” Sunstreaker said when Sideswipe just tightened his grip as Sunstreaker tried to draw back.

“Let’s not go. Let’s stay here,” Sideswipe said in a cajoling voice. His fuel pump was beating at double time and a dark, sick feeling was creeping into his tanks. “They totally won’t miss us. Please, Sunny.”

“We can frag when we get back, Sides. And yeah, someone’s going to miss us, considering we’re usually the first ones into the fight. Come on… I promise you won’t die,” Sunstreaker said, his denta gleaming faintly in the overhead light.

“You can’t promise that,” Sideswipe grumbled, but nevertheless followed his twin out of the closet. He kept trying to tell himself that it had all been a very bad, complicated dream, but his spark was telling him a different story. “That’s just like… _asking_ Primus to smite me down.”

“You have nothing to worry about; I’ll keep you safe,” Sunstreaker replied carelessly.

\--

He didn’t.

Not that it was really Sunstreaker’s fault. The battle was at a completely different location, a mine instead of an oil refinery so it wasn’t as if Sideswipe could just avoid the shot from the first loop. And Devastator was there, with his big feet that could crush a mech if you somehow managed to trip over yourself and roll directly into a combiner’s path.

Sunstreaker had always said he was a little bit clumsy.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Non-descriptive; stepped on/crushed by Devastator


	4. Loop 3

He awoke with a gasp and the feeling of being squeezed. Instead of rolling off the couch, he rolled into the back of it, hid his face in the cushion and screamed.

That brought Sunstreaker running, concern replacing the righteous indignation of the past three loops.

“Primus! Sideswipe, what the Hell?!” Sunstreaker demanded, grabbing him and rolling him back over. His hands wandered over Sideswipe’s frame, searching for injuries.

“I’m fine. Sunny, I’m fine,” Sideswipe said finally, sitting up and pushing his brother’s hands away.

“Really? You sure about that? Because it’s not exactly a daily occurrence for you to wake up screaming,” Sunstreaker retorted, looking shaken. Based on Sunstreaker’s reaction, Sideswipe suspected he had shot his pain, anger, and fear across the bond when he had first relooped and vowed to make sure that never happened again.

“I had a bad dream,” Sideswipe said dully, staring down at his lap. He could feel Sunstreaker’s stare on the top of his helm, but he couldn’t seem to muster a reassuring smile so he kept his face hidden.

“Some dream,” Sunstreaker finally commented, plopping his aft down on the small sliver of couch by Sideswipe’s hip. He reached out a hand and threaded his fingers through Sideswipe’s, gently squeezing. “What do you need?”

Sideswipe considered the question. What he _needed_ to do was get up and track down some science bots to fix his little problem so he could get back to his normal life.

What he _wanted_ to do was crawl into their berth and not leave it. Outside the doors to their quarters lay thousands of ways for death to pounce on him. And that was already kind of getting old.

“I know you wanted to get some energon and then go train, but can we go back to bed?” Sideswipe finally asked, voice small.

Sunstreaker squeezed Sideswipe’s hand again before pushing himself to his feet. Their arms stretched between them until Sunstreaker tugged and got Sideswipe standing. Sideswipe automatically pressed against his brother’s chest, notching his chin over Sunstreaker’s shoulder.

“You wanna tell me about the dream?” Sunstreaker asked quietly, squeezing him around the middle just like he had Sideswipe’s hand.

Sideswipe turned his head and pressed his nasal ridge against the side of Sunstreaker’s throat, venting in the familiar smell of wax and charcoal.

“I dreamt I was stuck in a time loop and kept dying over and over again,” Sideswipe muttered.

Sunstreaker hummed thoughtfully. “That sucks.”

Sideswipe gave a weak, watery laugh. “You have no idea. Come on – bed. And cuddles. I need lots and lots of cuddles.”

His brother was the best at cuddles, hands down. He always seemed to know when Sideswipe needed to drape himself over Sunstreaker’s front or when he needed the weight of Sunstreaker’s frame pressing him down and keeping him safe.

Today it was the latter and he happily buried his face into the pillow and just listened to the sound of Sunstreaker’s engine softly rumbling. An hour in, Sunstreaker pulled out the book they were currently reading, one that they reserved for times just like this. They always took turns reading it aloud, depending on who was the most shaken, the most injured.

Sunstreaker ended up finishing the book before Sideswipe was ready to be a real person again. But he had moved a lot closer to one, so he turned around within Sunstreaker’s arms and pressed a kiss to his lips.

“Want that wax I promised you?” Sideswipe asked, venting out a breath against his twin’s mouth.

Sunstreaker furrowed his forehelm for a moment before his expression cleared. “I don’t remember you promising to give me a wax, but I’ll still take one.”

Oh. Right. That had been on loop number one.

“Need a wash first?” Sideswipe asked, pushing himself upright and scooting down to the end of the berth.

“Wouldn’t hurt. I’ll meet you in there?”

Sideswipe nodded and proceeded to gather up their wax supplies as Sunstreaker ambled into the washracks. A moment later, the water started up and Sideswipe smiled to himself a little as he heard Sunstreaker faintly humming to himself. Nothing quite relaxed Sunstreaker like a good wash and wax.

“You could do with a quick rinse yourself,” Sunstreaker called out.

“Yeah, probably,” Sideswipe acknowledged. “Coming in!”

Sideswipe strode inside the ‘racks, arms full of their cleaning supplies. It was the only reason he couldn’t manage to catch himself when his right foot slipped in a puddle of cleanser. He hit the ground a second later, the side of his helm impacting the lip of the shower and causing his vision to completely white out. The only sensory input that was remained was the static of the water hitting the floor of the washracks… and then there was nothing.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Fell in the shower and hit head


	5. Loop 4

Sideswipe awoke with a gasp and a curse, feeling utterly betrayed. Their own washracks? Really?!

Grumbling to himself, Sideswipe sat up and swung his legs off the catch and onto the floor. He looked down at his hands and sighed.

Well.

Staying cocooned in his quarters hadn’t helped, so it was time he got off his aft and did something about all this. Or at least find someone who _could_ do something about this. 

“Sunstreaker!” Sideswipe called, pushing himself to his feet. “I’m going out; I’ll be back in a little bit.”

“What? Where are you going?” Sunstreaker immediately demanded, stomping into the room and glaring at Sideswipe. “I swear, if you’re going out to play another damned prank on someone…”

Sideswipe stepped into his brother’s space and gave him a quick kiss on the cheek. “I’m not. Promise. And I’m sorry about Prowl. If I’m still around later, I’ll make it up to you. Not a wax, but I _will _make it up to you.”

Sunstreaker gave him a funny look, but Sideswipe was already turning away, intent on the door. As it closed behind him, he heard his brother murmur to himself.

“_If _you’re still around later?”

\--

“Right. So what do you think?” Sideswipe asked, peering intently at Perceptor. There wasn’t anyone smarter than Percy so surely the nerd had to know how to stop the loops.

“Hmmm… it’s an interesting theoretical situation,” Percepter commented, tilting his head to the side. He stared off into the distance, optics flickering as he considered it. “But ultimately, it’s a pointless exercise. There are far too many variables regarding time travel. I couldn’t even hazard a guess as to why time would loop in on itself.”

“Hazard away, Percy. I kinda want to stop dying here.”

“Well, when you think about it, we’re all slowly dying under the influence of entropy. In fact…” Perceptor’s optics grew brighter and he put down his datapad, seemingly really getting into the discussion. Sideswipe happily settled back on his stool, eagerly awaiting the scientist’s solution.

Three hours later and Sideswipe was just about ready to turn a cartwheel in the hopes that he’d slip and crack his helm open again. He wasn’t a fan of the pain of dying, but right now, he’d take it over any more of Perceptor’s rambling.

Fortunately, Fate seemed to be listening and something blew up next door in Wheeljack’s lab, instantly killing both Sideswipe and Perceptor.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Explosion


	6. Loop 5

After Perceptor’s utter lack of assistance, Sideswipe decided to change tactics. Maybe looking at it from a science perspective was wrong. There were dozens of TV shows and movies that focused on time loops. Maybe the answer was there. 

“So… kind of like Groundhog Day?” Blaster asked, sidestepping Brawn as the mini hurried past them in the hall.

“Kind of. But instead of the loop restarting when the main character falls asleep, it happens after the main character dies,” Sideswipe said, optics frantically darting around, searching for possible hazards.

“Gruesome,” Blaster commented. “Can’t say I recall any premise like that. But ultimately, in all of the shows I’ve seen, a time loop is an opportunity to right a wrong, to fix something. And it has to come from a place of honesty.”

“To right a wrong,” Sideswipe murmured to himself, processor thinking it over. “What have I done wrong?”

Well, depending on who you asked, there could be a lengthy list. 

“Why are you asking all this, Sides?” Blaster asked, gently nudging Sideswipe’s arm. “You stuck in a loop yourself?”

Sideswipe scoffed at the dock. “’Course not! But if I do something nice for you, there’s absolutely no ulterior motive behind it, ok?”

Blaster raised an orbital ridge at him, his smile wavering a little. He bent forward and peered at Sideswipe’s face. “You ok there, Siders? You’re looking a little stressed.”

Sideswipe threw a hand in the air and shook his head. “Stressed? Who? Me?”

As soon as he said it, the vent above his head burst open, Ravage dropped through, and a missile hit Sideswipe straight in the chest.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Missile to the chest


	7. Loop 6

“Stressed?” Sideswipe muttered to himself, staring up at the ceiling above his couch. He massaged the plating over his chest. “Yes, I’m fucking _stressed_!”

“Did you say something?”

Sideswipe craned his head back and saw Sunstreaker curiously peering around the doorway. Grumbling wordlessly, Sideswipe rolled off the couch and shrugged.

“Nothing important. Hey… question?” Sideswipe asked, propping his hands atop his hips. Sunstreaker raised an orbital ridge and stepped fully into the room.

“No, I don’t know if I’ll let you back into the berth tonight; I haven’t decided yet,” Sunstreaker replied.

Sideswipe rolled his optics. “Yeah, yeah, I’m an aft, I know. I was going to ask who you thought I’ve wronged the most.”

Sunstreaker blinked and stepped further into the living area. “’Wronged the most’? What is this? You making out a will or something? Did Ratchet give you a terminal diagnosis and you’re trying to make things right with everyone you pissed off?”

“You are more right than you know,” Sideswipe said, sighing. He rubbed a head over his face, but shook his head at the spike of worry across their bond. “I’m not dying, Sunny; or at least not right at this moment. I just… I had a bad dream and I kinda feel like I should be nicer to people. But I don’t know who to start with.”

“Really? You don’t know who to start with?” Sunstreaker said, scoffing. He crossed his arms over his chest and looked back at Sideswipe significantly.

Sideswipe stared back blankly until realization hit him and his shoulders drooped, hands dropping from his hips. He shuffled forward until he bumped into Sunstreaker’s frame and just leaned against his brother.

“I’m sorry,” Sideswipe said quietly into the plating of Sunstreaker’s shoulder. “I know I really _am_ an aft at times, and you deal with it the most.”

For a long moment, Sunstreaker was still. Then he unfolded his arms, allowing Sideswipe to fall into him more. Familiar hands slid up Sideswipe’s back, pressing him closer.

“I _do_ deal with the fallout from idiocy more than anyone else,” Sunstreaker murmured. His fingers rubbed comforting circles into Sideswipe’s plating. “But you also make it up to me every time. So I guess if you’re really intent on some apologies, you should start with someone else.”

“Yeah, but who?” Sideswipe whined, burrowing his face into Sunstreaker’s throat. “If I only had a short amount of time in which to make things up to people, who should I start with?”

“Ok, what is going on, Sides?” Sunstreaker asked, taking hold of Sideswipe’s shoulders and holding him at arm’s length. “Are you sure everything’s ok?”

Sideswipe bit his lip and stared at his twin’s face, taking in the optics that matched his own, the worried frown. He so desperately wanted to lean on Sunstreaker some more but previous loops had proved that it wouldn’t help in the long run.

“I’m fine, really. Just… just who do you think I should start with?”

Sunstreaker studied him for a moment longer before letting his hands slide away. “Ratchet or Prowl. I’m pretty sure you’ve given them more helmaches than anyone besides me.”

“You’re probably right. Ok, well I’m gonna go make nice and I’ll catch up with you later, ok?” Sideswipe said, swooping in to give Sunstreaker a distracted kiss on the cheek. As he turned to walk out of their quarters, his processor was already busy at work trying to plan ways to show how he was sorry.

He started with Ratchet, because even when Sideswipe wasn’t actively playing pranks on the medic, he was giving him fits one way or another with battle injuries. And… non-battle injuries too, if Sideswipe was being honest with himself.

And wasn’t that the point to all this? Maybe?

Anyway, he strode into Ratchet’s domain, flashed him an earnest smile and asked to be put to work. Ratchet squinted at him for several long moments before finally instructing him to count and sort inventory. A boring task, and one Sideswipe knew Ratchet hated doing, so he dove right in.

Sideswipe chatted with Ratchet as he counted, joking and laughing until he eventually got a smile out of Ratchet. A small one, barely noticeable, but Sideswipe and Sunstreaker had been looking after Ratchet long enough that they intimately knew all of Ratchet’s expressions. And this one was honest and pure and made Sideswipe’s spark feel lighter.

He vowed then and there to be more careful on, and off, the battlefield and to work on making Ratchet smile more.

A noble promise, but not what the time loop wanted apparently as he was still impaled through the spark with a rogue drill bit when he tripped over the piles of fuel pumps he had been counting.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Impalement


	8. Loop 7

Sideswipe spent nearly an entire day with Prowl next. He cleaned up Prowl’s office, filed some reports, and suggested and then implemented a new general inventory flow which would make Prowl’s job six times more efficient.

Prowl’s calculations, not his.

He made sure Prowl drank his fuel, cajoled him to the washracks and let him use Sunstreaker’s ‘for special occasions only’ wax, and personally walked him to his quarters and ensured he actually made it to his berth.

Prowl was noticeably bemused the entire time, but his twitchy sensory panels gradually subsided into gentle and graceful sweeps every time he thanked Sideswipe. After he realized Sideswipe wasn’t playing a joke and was honestly trying to be friendly and useful, the gratitude became less guarded and more sparkfelt.

He relaxed in Sideswipe’s presence and the deep lines in his face smoothed out, his shoulders drooping slightly. It made Sideswipe feel proud that he could get the notoriously rigid bot to unwind, even just a little. Here was someone else that needed looking after and although Jazz regularly kept tabs on his best friend Sideswipe concluded that it wouldn’t hurt for him to lend a hand every now and then.

No matter his deeds for the day though, it didn’t keep him from dying. For the first time, it was slow, the energon he had been drinking curdling in his tanks as if it was corrosive. Remembering his promise to not worry Ratchet any more than need be, Sideswipe sequestered himself in an empty closet and blocked his twin out as agony ate through his lines.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Poison


	9. Loop 8

Sideswipe tackled Optimus next. Although the Prime rarely took Sideswipe took to task, there had been moments over the years where Sideswipe had spied hastily hidden irritation or exasperation in Optimus’ optics after interactions between the two of them.

And maybe making Primus’ representative’s life easier was what the time loop demanded.

It was a bit harder than Sideswipe anticipated. Optimus was very independent, verging on self-sacrificing. He refused to let Sideswipe clean his office or help him with his reports. He politely thanked Sideswipe for the energon he had brought as his gaze flitted over to the nearly hidden dispenser in the corner of his office.

Sideswipe actually thought that he would lose the opportunity this time around when the call to arms klaxon sounded, but he surprisingly made it alive through the battle. It was when he trailed Optimus into the Ark that he realized he finally could be of assistance.

He cornered Optimus in the washracks after everyone else had taken their turn. Sunstreaker gave him a funny look, but wandered back to their quarters when Sideswipe waved him on. Then he slinked into the washracks and pounced.

Optimus protested loudly, but he also didn’t shove Sideswipe away so he got to wash the Prime by hand, fingers slipping through the armor seams to rub taut cables. In less than a minute, Optimus was a quietly purring lump of metal, meekly submitting to Sideswipe’s impromptu massage.

Sideswipe quietly chattered away to himself, providing background noise as Optimus slumped further and further on the washrack bench. It momentarily surprised Sideswipe when Optimus let his forehelm rest against Sideswipe’s belly, but Sideswipe just widened his stance and kept digging at the cables in the back of Optimus’ neck.

When they finally left the washracks, Optimus kept swaying back and forth as if drunk. Sideswipe kept a hand on the other mech’s lower back as he led Optimus back to his quarters. Those wise blue optics were nearly completely shuttered by the time he melted backwards onto his berth and he gently snored as Sideswipe lifted his feet onto the flat surface.

Ratchet had previously commented that Optimus never slept well, but refused any kind of supplement or recharge chips. So Sideswipe gazed on the Prime’s limp frame with no little satisfaction.

A job well done, in Sideswipe’s opinion.

He was so proud of himself that he set out from Optimus’ rooms, intending on heading to medbay to tell Ratchet all about it when an earthquake hit and fifteen tons of the Ark collapsed in on Sideswipe.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Crushed


	10. Loop 9

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In this chapter, Sideswipe manages not to get hurt... but Sunstreaker does and grievously so.

Sideswipe awoke with a gasp and started to cough, unable to shake the taste of dust and metal from his mouth. His vents felt clogged and he rolled to his feet, shaking himself out of an intense bout of claustrophobia.

He hadn’t died immediately on that last loop. He had just laid there, pinned in place by the ship until the pressure had finally been too much for his frame and it had crumpled.

“Are you ok?”

Sideswipe looked up and saw Sunstreaker staring at him in concern, one hand outstretched. He coughed one final time before nodding and wiping his mouth.

“Yeah. Had a little tickle… you know… in the back of my throat,” Sideswipe said, waving a nonchalant hand through the air. “Hey, do you…”

Sideswipe’s words were caught off by the shipwide alarm and he stared up at the speaker in their room, surprised.

“Huh. That was fast this time around,” he commented to himself.

“Yeah, it’s barely been a day since the last fight,” Sunstreaker added, striding across the room to their weapons rack and loading up.

Sideswipe blinked at his brother’s back before nodding absently. All the battles were beginning to run together as the loops bled into one another.

“’cons must be getting desperate,” Sunstreaker said, turning and tossing Sideswipe’s blaster to him.

“Starving will do that to you,” Sideswipe said with a sigh. Hopefully he lived through his fight like the one on the last loop so he could continue to work his way down the list of people he’d pissed off over the millennia. Ironhide was next and Sideswipe was still trying to figure out what he could do for the prickly weapons specialist.

“Yeah, I remember.” Sideswipe exchanged a look with his twin and then followed him out the door and through the hallways to the main entrance, lost in remembrance of their younger years. Feeding one mouth had been tough enough, but getting regular fuel in both of them had been a challenge. There had been more than one night that they had curled up together, tanks empty and grumbling.

So Sideswipe understood, at least a little. Didn’t stop him from doing his job though.

By now, Sideswipe had given up looking over his shoulder as he went about his day to day. Even the most innocuous object could kill him, so he didn’t worry about being extra vigilant during a fight. He just fought as he always did and hoped his next step didn’t spell his death.

Sometimes he never saw what killed him. Other times he experienced it in excruciating detail. This loop turned out to be one of the latter unfortunately.

One second he was firing at a Seeker passing by overhead and the next he was on the ground, audials ringing from an explosion. His entire body felt like it was slowly being set on fire, his belly the originating source. Sideswipe clutched at it, thinking his hands would find torn plating and pumping energon, but there was nothing.

When he finally managed to reboot his optics and stare down at himself, he saw that his frame was dented and scratched up, but nothing that would account for the processor-numbing pain that he was experiencing. Then he heard a pained wheeze off to his right and his head snapped around.

“Oh no… no, nononono…” Sideswipe said faintly as he saw Sunstreaker sprawled out in the mud several feet away. Sideswipe scrambled to his feet, mind noting the multiple grievous wounds dotting his brother’s body. Now Sideswipe knew where the pain was from; when they were severely injured, it got harder and harder to block it from one another.

“Sunny!”

Sideswipe slid to his knees at his brother’s side, hands hovering. He didn’t know where to touch first; there was so much damage and it was bad. Really bad.

“Sunny? Sweetspark, can you hear me?” Sideswipe asked desperately, whipping out his first aid kit. He slapped clamps on the lines that were bleeding the most, but few held and there was just so much fluid everywhere. It bubbled up out of Sunstreaker’s vents, his mouth… it stained the ground he was lying on and streaked his plating until the gold was nearly obscured.

“RATCHET!!” Sideswipe screamed, both over the comm and out loud when he realized he could see his twin’s spark through ragged tears in the underside of his crystal. The hole was at a perfect height for the fluid filling up Sunstreaker’s chest cavity to pour into and it was rising and surrounding his wavering spark.

Panicking, Sideswipe grabbed his twin by the shoulders and hefted him onto his side, trying to drain some of the fluid out from around Sunstreaker’s spark. His twin gave a feeble, pitiful moan and Sideswipe sobbed as the pain across the bond doubled.

“I’m sorry… I’m sorry, baby, this shouldn’t have been you. It should have been me,” Sideswipe said in a rush, bending down and kissing Sunstreaker’s forehelm. Sunstreaker’s optics weren’t tracking although there was a spark of recognition deep in their bond.

One which almost immediately fizzled out, accompanied by an agonizing pain in Sideswipe’s own spark. Despite being right next to him, it felt like Sunstreaker was being yanked away from him and Sideswipe closed his optics in despair.

“Please, no…” he murmured, more to himself than anything. “Sunny… _baby_…”

He sunk himself into their bond, clawing at the distant sensation of his twin and trying to anchor him. Distantly he heard the wail of sirens and then he felt hands pulling and shoving at him.

“Primus, kid, you made a mess of yourself,” Ratchet’s voice said shakily. “Let him go, Sideswipe!”

Sideswipe dragged himself out of Ratchet’s way, curling up around Sunstreaker’s head. He cuddled his twin’s helm, watching the already dim optics lose even more of their brightness. Ratchet’s voice lost clarity although it rose in volume and Sideswipe just cried silently knowing there would be nothing the medic could do.

He only hoped that he would follow his twin quickly.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Eventual suicide after watching/feeling Sunstreaker die


	11. Loop 10

Sideswipe awoke with a gasp and stared at the ceiling for a moment before rolling into the back of the couch. His optics burned as fluid welled up and trickled down his face and he muffled the sobs into a cushion. Spark still giving off echoes of experiencing his twin’s death, Sideswipe absently rubbed the side of his head where he had pressed his own blaster to it.

Turned out that the myth about one twin following the other into death was just that… a myth. Or at least a partial one. He had waited and waited for his own spark to go and while it had writhed and twisted, Sideswipe had remained alive. Hollowed out and alone, he probably would have quietly passed away from sheer grief within hours or days, but that would have taken too long so he had taken matters into his own hands.

There had been a moment where he had wondered what would happen to the loops if he committed suicide. Then he had decided he just didn’t care.

“… Sideswipe?”

Sunstreaker’s worried voice penetrated Sideswipe’s mind fog and he abruptly rolled back over. He stumbled to his feet and threw himself at his brother, fingers digging into the plating of Sunstreaker’s back. Sunstreaker was solid and warm and Sideswipe clung to him, unable to stop the flow of coolant tears.

“Woah… Sides… Sideswipe, what’s wrong? Are you…?” Sunstreaker asked, trying to pull back, probably to look at his face. But Sideswipe didn’t want to have this twin see the naked grief he knew would be there so he just buried himself further.

“I’m… I’m f-fine… bad d-dream,” Sideswipe stuttered out. “… you d-died.”

Sunstreaker stilled and then his arms came up around Sideswipe’s waist. “Ok. Ok, well… I didn’t. I’m right here. It was just a dream.”

Sideswipe nodded furiously, vents hiccupping in distress. “I know. I know. Just… can I just…?”

Wordlessly, Sunstreaker held him tighter and Sideswipe broke down completely, sobbing until his processor went slow and his HUD threw up warnings of overheating. It hit him all of a sudden – he was ten loops in and there was no signs of it stopping. There were still things he could do, people he could apologize to, but would any of it make a difference? Would it ever stop?

Sideswipe took the equivalent of a personal day and died in his sleep in the middle of the next recharge cycle. Maybe Primus was taking pity on him, but regardless, Sideswipe appreciated it.

He started the eleventh cycle with a new determination and focused on in his apology to Ironhide.

Not that it helped.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Died in sleep


	12. Loop 11-70

Sideswipe made his way down the list of every Ark member and then defected a few times to see if maybe he was supposed to make things up to all the ‘cons he had shot or torn out of the sky. None of it stopped the loops so he started back in on any mech with even the smallest hint of scientific knowledge.

Surprisingly, Beachcomber gave him some interesting advice regarding meditation and communing with Primus, but it still didn’t help. Skyfire usually looked at him blankly and Starscream mostly soliquied about being misunderstood.

He’d gone to Wheeljack on two different loops, first to apologize and second to pick his brain, but both times the engineer had been feverishly working on some project or another. It was some of the few times Sideswipe had ever seen Wheeljack irritated.

Around loop 71, Sideswipe finally figured out why.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> No descriptions of deaths


	13. Loop 71

“Uh, should that be blinking like that?” Sideswipe asked Wheeljack, straining to hold up the heavy panel so Wheeljack could do his magic with the control board’s innards. The Decepticons’ newest Weapon of Doom was garishly colored and made weird sounds, but Sideswipe had no doubt Wheeljack would be able to produce a miracle and deactivate it.

Or not, and then they’d blow up and a new loop would start where it didn’t matter anyway.

Wheeljack’s head popped up around the edge of the plate and he stared at a small red button that was blinking faster and faster.

“Scrap. No. No, it shouldn’t.”

Wheeljack promptly sat back on his aft, dropping his tools. He looked forlornly at the thingamabob and sighed.

Which totally did not seem like an appropriate response in Sideswipe’s opinion.

“Uh… shouldn’t you be doing something about it?” Sideswipe prompted.

“There’s no point. I’m sorry, Sideswipe. It’ll only hurt for a split second and then you won’t remember it at all for the next go round,” Wheeljack said earnestly.

Sideswipe’s vents stalled as the entire world stopped.

“I’m sorry… the next…?”

And the thing exploded.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Explosion


	14. Loop 72

He awoke with a gasp and muttered to himself.

“Son of a _bitch_.” 

\--

Sideswipe stormed into Wheeljack’s lab, Sunstreaker trailing behind curiously. They ended up startling Wheeljack so badly that he dropped whatever he had been working on and blew the lab up.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Explosion


	15. Loop 73

“Damnit, I fucking hate getting blown up!” Sideswipe shouted, flailing his arms and legs around like a sparkling having a tantrum.

“What in the Pit?!” Sunstreaker said, running into the room with wide optics and blasters in both hands.

“Nothing,” Sideswipe snarled. “You… stay. I got to go see a mech about an invention.”

This time he commed ahead.

:Wheeljack, are you in your lab?:

:… yes?:

:Good. Stay there. Don’t touch anything, don’t vent, and don’t blow us up again, k?:

:… again?!:

When Sideswipe cautiously poked his head through the door, Wheeljack was practically vibrating in place. “Again? Does that mean you remember?!”

Sideswipe scanned the floor, walls, and ceilings for possible dangers out of reflex. Then he rolled his optics. He’d had an energon dispenser explode on him. At this point, even a piece of the decking was suspect, much less the dangerous stuff in Wheeljack’s lab.

“I remember all 72 previous loops, yes,” Sideswipe replied, voice frosty. “Did you do this? Is this because of you?” 

Wheeljack immediately looked sheepish, which gave Sideswipe his answer.

“You fucking _aft_! I’ve died 72 times!”

“Well, so have I!” Wheeljack protested. “And it’s not really my fault. Someone gave me something and I… opened it.”

Sideswipe squinted at Wheeljack. “You… opened it? What the pit did you open? Did someone send you a time machine?”

“Uh, yes, actually. I think so. It was a briefcase, from an old Academy classmate of mine. Brilliant guy, really, although a little touched in the processor if you get my drift,” Wheeljack said, gesturing towards his own helm.

Sideswipe stared at him and raised an orbital ridge. “Really? Ok, _kettle_. Anyway… he sent you a briefcase… that was actually a time machine. How did he even send it to you? UPS?”

“Well, you see, that’s the odd thing. I have no idea. I was on the opposite side of the room for about five minutes and when I came back, it was sitting on the counter, next to that fuel project. I didn’t even know Brainstorm was still alive!” Wheeljack exclaimed. “I thought he died at Altihex during the bombings.”

“Well, apparently he’s still alive. Or not. I mean, if he made a time machine, he in theory could have traveled into the future, right?” Sideswipe asked. “And then be dead in the past… maybe. I don’t know. I can barely handle the loops, much less actual time travel.”

Then he watched Wheeljack’s helm fins flash a bright light and his optics go wide. “Sideswipe…” he said faintly. “Oh… that’s… I never thought of that.”

Sideswipe winced. “Eh… sorry. If he’s actually dead, I mean.” 

Wheeljack waved his hands through the air. “No, no, it’s fine! We weren’t close. And… I’m not entirely sure that would change anything anyway.”

“Well… ok, then… good, I guess,” Sideswipe said, not sure how to react. “Um… did he leave a note? A possible explanation for why his time machine actually only does time loops?”

It was Wheeljack’s turn to wince. “That’s… probably my fault actually. I accidentally spilled some of the sample fuel on the briefcase. And it sparked as I was trying to open it and promptly exploded… you know the rest.”

“So no note?”

“Just something about finally figuring out the bugs on the thing and hoping I had fun using it,” Wheeljack replied, waving a hand through the air dismissively.

“Why would… why would anyone even _use_ a time machine?” Sideswipe asked, throwing up his hands in frustration. “For ‘fun’? I mean, sure, go back and kill a sparkling Megatron, but what would you do for _fun_?”

Wheeljack stared at him, looking horrified. “You would kill a sparkling?” he asked, hushed.

Sideswipe rolled his optics. “No! I mean…! It’s just an example. I’m not saying I would!” he protested. “Not saying I wouldn’t either,” he added quietly to himself as Wheeljack looked deep in thought.

“But the most important thing is that you haven’t fixed this. What’s the hold up?” Sideswipe demanded.

“I’m not exactly the foremost in my field regarding time travel,” Wheeljack said waspishly. “It’s always been theoretical; figures Brainstorm would have worked it out. Plus… I keep dying. Anytime I think I’m getting somewhere, I have to start all over again.”

“Are you getting any help?” Sideswipe asked, finally considering it safe enough to gingerly sit on a stool at Wheeljack’s workbench. “I mean, Perceptor kinda seemed to know what he was talking about when I asked him. Of course it was buried in a lot of science babble, so I may be wrong.”

“You asked Perceptor?” Wheeljack said, looking surprised.

“I’m glad you think so highly of me that I could have figured it out all by my lonesome,” Sideswipe said dryly. Because while he’d always been good at math, physics… not so much.

“No, I just… what did he say?”

Sideswipe shrugged. “You’d have to ask him. I can’t remember ¾ off what he said, to be honest. He went off on a tangent and then you blew something up in here and I died. And can I just say I’m tired of being blown up? I mean, we’re in a freaking _war_… you think I’d be getting a few more actual battle injuries.”

“Hmm… I mostly seem to die in explosions,” Wheeljack said distractedly, whipping a datapad out of subspace and writing something down on it. “All right, let me see what Perce has to say; maybe I can even rope Skyfire into things.”

As Wheeljack made a beeline for the lab’s exit, Sideswipe trailed along behind him. “I hope you’re better at explaining things than I am,” he said, remembering the shuttle’s blank look.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> No descriptions of death


	16. Loop 90

It didn’t seem to matter that they had two other scientists working on the problem. One loop turned into the next and then the next, and it was at the start of loop 90 that Sideswipe staggered into Wheeljack’s lab and just collapsed onto the floor.

“Sideswipe!” Wheeljack exclaimed, rushing over. He hovered, hands patting at Sideswipe’s frame searching for wounds. “What happened?”

“You have to fix this, Wheeljack,” Sideswipe said, voice raspy from screaming. He reached up and grabbed hold of Wheeljack’s forearms, squeezing. “You have to fix this because I cannot… I just can’t watch Sunny die in front of me again.”

He realized coolant tears were streaming down his cheeks and his chest felt tight, like that first blaster wound that had torn through the edge of his spark. “I feel it, you know… I feel him die. This is three times now and… and I just… please, ‘Jack. Please, _fix this_.”

“Sideswipe, just vent. You’re alive, he’s alive,” Wheeljack said soothingly. He crouched down at Sideswipe’s side, clutching his shoulders. “Try and calm down; your spark rhythm is worrying me.”

Sideswipe placed a hand over his spark and shook his head. “It’s been doing that the past few loops. It usually fades after a bit.”

Wheeljack’s optics grew pinched. “Hm, that can’t be good,” he murmured. “Come on, let’s get you up. Have you fueled yet?”

Sideswipe threw an arm over Wheeljack’s shoulder and used him as a crutch to get back on his feet. Wobbling, he leaned on Wheeljack until he was deposited on to his familiar stool at the work bench.

“No. But I don’t know if I can,” Sideswipe said truthfully. “Jack… what if this thing kills me for real?”

“I don’t think that would possible,” Wheeljack replied, bustling away to his own personal energon dispenser. “In fact, I’ve been wondering if instead of repeating the same loop over and over, we’ve been shifting through parallel dimensions. It might explain why each loop diverges so much after the initial few minutes.”

Wheeljack came back over and held out the cube of fuel but Sideswipe just stared at him in horror. “So there are 86 Sunstreakers out there who have felt me die?” he asked, aghast. “No. No, I refuse to believe that,” he said with a firm shake of his head.

“Oh. Well. I see your point,” Wheeljack said, looking downtrodden. In the next instant, he brightened. “It’s only a theory, mind you. I have more. For example: I think our deaths are tied together.”

Sideswipe looked up from examining the depths of his cube and stared at the inventor in surprise. “We… really?”

“I believe so. From what you’ve been telling me, it seems that we’re dying within seconds of one another,” Wheeljack said.

“Ok… so what does that mean exactly?” Sideswipe asked slowly.

Wheeljack rocked back on the heels of his pedes. “I’m not entirely sure. But it may mean I’ve been going about this all wrong. Once I put my mind to it, I realized that an actual time machine isn’t that difficult to actually replicate. Especially since I have access to Brainstorm’s earlier experiments from the Academy database I had downloaded before I left. Although the whole briefcase part is a little odd,” Wheeljack said, trailing off. “… still not sure when he made it into a briefcase.”

Sideswipe just stared at the other mech, a little in awe. Sometimes he forgot just how smart Wheeljack was. “So you could recreate the machine? What’s the problem then?”

Wheeljack sighed. “The problem is twofold actually. One - I would have to get really creative with the parts and two – it doesn’t explain how the time machine started creating time loops. The fuel experiment, in theory, shouldn’t have warped the original machine. It should have actually made the machine stronger, more powerful.”

“Certainly a big explosion,” Sideswipe said. “You nearly brought down this entire section of the Ark.”

“Mmm. True,” Wheeljack conceded. “But there’s a factor that I’m missing, I just know it.”

Sideswipe nodded and sipped his fuel. His spark still hurt but he was starting to calm down some. Not that he would ever be able to forget seeing Sunstreaker torn in half by Bruticus.

“Hey… so… you said we die within seconds of each other, right?” Sideswipe said slowly, his processor churning. “And our loops change after a few minutes of starting over. Does that mean it all has something to do with what I did that morning? In the lab with you? That handle… was that part of the briefcase?”

Wheeljack’s head shot up, his helm fins flashing a brilliant green. “Yes! That must be it! To tie both of us together, it has to have been something that happened in that first few minutes when you entered the lab. Let’s backtrack!”

The other mech’s arms started waving about in excitement and Sideswipe hid his grin behind his cube. The more time he spent with Wheeljack, the more he started to appreciate and like the guy. He was honestly adorable when he really got going.

“… and you broke through the wall here,” Wheeljack was saying when Sideswipe refocused in on the other mech. Wheeljack’s arms were spread wide as they traced out the hole Sideswipe had made. Sideswipe quickly swallowed the rest of the fuel and got up to join him.

“Yeah, that’s right. And when I came in, I couldn’t really see anything, but I remember kicking your foot because you were down on the floor,” Sideswipe said, pointing at the patch of decking in front of another work bench. “You had the handle in your right hand, and your experiment looked like it had gotten knocked over because it was in a puddle beneath your left leg.”

“Yes! I remember that because it was tingly and I worried for a second about it igniting,” Wheeljack said. “Then you helped me up, I slipped in the puddle…”

“We both went down,” Sideswipe said, coming over and kneeling in an approximation of the same spot, “My hand went in the stuff, my left hand. I noticed you still had a hold of the handle and I took it from you. So I had the fuel stuff still on my hand when I touched it.”

“Oh, goodness, yes!” Wheeljack said, bouncing a little in place. “So we were touching, and we were both handling part of the briefcase while also in contact with the fuel…!”

“Great!” Sideswipe said, the excitement contagious. “So, we… wait… is that good? Does that help?”

Wheeljack blinked at nothing in the distance for several seconds before turning to look at Sideswipe. He slowly shrugged. “I’m… not sure? Maybe? I don’t know why it all should matter, but it must somehow...”

Sideswipe’s shoulders slumped and he absently rubbed his chest. “Oh. Well, there goes that idea.”

“No, not at all. I do think it’s important,” Wheeljack said, regaining some of his cheer. “I just have to figure out how. I also wish the briefcase had survived, at least in part. There might have been some residue on the handle that could have given me a clue.”

“There’s nothing left?” Sideswipe asked, scanning the room. “It just… disappeared?”

Wheeljack nodded, crossing his arms over his chest and tapping at his chin with a finger. “Yeah. As if it never even existed. Damn… I wish I could talk to Brainstorm.”

“Well, if you do, let me know, because there are some things I want to say to him,” Sideswipe said, a little despondently.

“Me as well,” Wheeljack said with a sigh. Then his gaze sharpened. “Are you ok? I thought you said your rhythm would steady out after a little bit.”

Sideswipe realized he was still rubbing at his hood. “It normally does. Seems to be taking a little longer this time; maybe it’s because I essentially died from spark failure on the last go round.”

“…oh.”

Wheeljack’s voice made Sideswipe look up. “Oh? What? What’s wrong?”

“I… it might be you,” Wheeljack said, his gaze dropping to stare at Sideswipe’s chest.

“What do you mean it might be me?” Sideswipe demanded taking a wary step back. “Is there something wrong with my spark?”

“We would probably need Ratchet to know for certain about that, but maybe we’re continually looping _because_ of your spark. Because you have a rock solid connection to something, or rather someone, in the past,” Wheeljack explained. “And that connection won’t let you go too far before yanking you, and the rest of us, back.”

“Well, that’s… that’s dumb,” Sideswipe spluttered. “What am I supposed to do? Break my bond so the loops end?”

Wheeljack’s gaze rose to meet Sideswipe’s. “I… maybe?”

Sideswipe scuttled backwards, both hands held protectively over his chest. “Fuck that. And fuck you for even considering it. I’m not breaking my bond with Sunny. Frag, I don’t know if I even could without killing us both on the spot and then where would we be?”

Wheeljack’s hands rose up and he made a placating gesture. “Sideswipe… Sides… I’m not saying that that’s the cause of the loops, or that we need to do that. It’s all just speculation.”

“Speculate on something else,” Sideswipe spat. “I’m out of here. Call me when you have an actual solution.”

Sideswipe stormed out of the lab, his plating feeling itchy as Wheeljack watched him leave.

This wasn’t his fault. And he wasn’t destroying the only good thing he’d ever had to fix something he had nothing to do with.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> No descriptions of deaths although Sideswipe experiences Sunstreaker's again and begins having spark issues


	17. Loop 103: The Beginning of the End

[](https://www.flickr.com/photos/184464588@N05/48744812002/in/dateposted/)  


Unfortunately, the spark pain kept getting worse. It was a little more intense after every time he woke up, and lasted longer and longer. It got to the point that on loop 103, he awoke screaming not because of a lingering remembered death but because it felt like someone was pouring molten lava into his chest cavity.

“Sides! What’s wrong?!”

Through blurry optics, Sideswipe saw Sunstreaker drop to his knees next to the couch and peer at him worriedly. Sideswipe tried to reassure him, but the only thing that came out was a whimper.

Sunstreaker started muttering to himself, patting Sideswipe down and searching for an injury. When he came to Sideswipe’s chest, Sideswipe just clutched himself tighter and shook his head.

“Your spark? Something’s wrong with your spark? I can’t feel anything… let me see,” Sunstreaker demanded. “Sides, let me see!”

This whole time, Sideswipe had steadfastly denied himself the sight of his own spark, not wanting to see the evidence of the damage he knew it was receiving. As each loop started over, he put up stronger and stronger blocks on their bond, trying to shield Sunstreaker from the pain. In desperation, he’d tried merging once, but it hadn’t done anything but expose Sunstreaker to the horrible cramping and put him into a tizzy.

Kind of like now.

It was getting to the point however, where he wouldn’t have the strength to hide it for much longer. Letting out another whimper, Sideswipe slowly lowered his arms and instructed his plating to retract.

Everything moved sluggishly so it took over a minute before his spark was fully exposed. Once it was, Sunstreaker rocked backwards with a horrified look on his faceplates.

“Sides… Sides… what…?”

Sideswipe forced himself to look down and almost passed out at what he saw.

His spark ‘half’ was naturally the smaller of the two and was actually more like a third compared to Sunstreaker’s larger portion. But apparently the strain from multiple time loops had shrunk it even further, until it was barely the size of minibot’s tightly clenched fist. Instead of being a pretty ceil blue, it was now a murky indigo, streaked with crimson.

They both knew that it was a spark on the verge of failure.

“I’m calling Ratchet,” Sunstreaker announced, looking determined.

Sideswipe reached out and grabbed Sunstreaker’s wrist. “Wheeljack… too. Tell him… tell him to get Percy and Skyfire as well.”

Sunstreaker looked skeptical but nodded. As Sunstreaker reached out to the others, Sideswipe stared down at his spark and tried to figure out how to break a bond he’d had from birth.

\--

“A time loop,” Ratchet said disdainfully, staring at Wheeljack. “You think you and Sideswipe are stuck in a time loop because of Sideswipe’s spark and incidentally, it’s killing him?”

Wheeljack glanced over at Sideswipe and then back to Ratchet, nodding. “In summary, yes.”

“… it’s possible,” Perceptor said slowly. “Knowing what I do of Brainstorm’s work… it could be true. He always was a brilliant sort of idiot.”

Sideswipe’s head was in Sunstreaker’s lap, his hand held by his twin’s. His gaze kept returning to Sideswipe’s chest, his spark now covered by its crystal for the time being.

“This is ridiculous! I need to get him down to Medical!” Ratchet replied, giving a quick shake of his head. “Sunny, help me get him in my transport hold; I want him as still as possible.”

“It won’t matter,” Wheeljack said. “At least not in the long run. Sideswipe, I’m sorry, but I haven’t been able to come up with anything else.” 

“You’ve discovered a solution?” Skyfire asked, the large shuttle bent over in order to not bang his head on the ceiling.

Wheeljack winced before glancing over at Sideswipe. “This is the 103rd loop. I’ve conferred with both of you multiple times. I even reached out to Starscream and Shockwave, because I figured, why not? What’s a little treason when the day’s just going to restart,” he said, surprising Sideswipe. Wheeljack hadn’t mentioned that; he must have been getting desperate too.

“Regardless, none of us have been able to come up with an answer. I’ve managed to build a replicate machine and combine it with my fuel experiment, but the loops haven’t broken. The only variable left is Sideswipe… and his bond which leaves him tied to the past.”

Everyone was silent for a long while; Sideswipe could see and feel the confusion Ratchet and Sunstreaker were experiencing but the other two looked to be thinking hard. Suddenly Perceptor jolted in place.

“Oh! Oh, you mean…?” Perceptor said, looking at Sideswipe and then at Wheeljack in astonishment. “Is that even possible?”

“I’m not the one to ask,” Wheeljack said apologetically and turned to face Sideswipe.

Sideswipe bit his lower lip as Sunstreaker’s hand tightened. “Sides? What’s going on? What’s he talking about?”

“Um… well… since the only thing keeping us in these loops is, supposedly, our bond… Wheeljack theorized that if we break the bond…” Sideswipe trailed off.

Sunstreaker’s entire body went tense and he carefully extricated himself from under Sideswipe. When he stood, he crossed his arms over his chest and frowned. “You’re joking, right? We can’t break our bond. It’s notoriously difficult to break voluntary _mate_ bonds and we’ve been together since we were kindled!”

“Yeah, I know. I’ve been thinking about it, though,” Sideswipe said, watching as Wheeljack turned sad optics on him. “My spark is a mess, obviously. Because of that, our bond has to be a bit weaker than normal, right?”

He looked to Ratchet, but the medic just shrugged. “I’m not an expert on sparkbonds, Sideswipe. Spark medicine is highly specialized, and I never delved too much into it. I often let the two of you do what feels right, because I have nothing else to go on. I’m sorry, but I have no idea. Other than the fact that your spark is extremely unhealthy.”

“This is fucking ridiculous,” Sunstreaker said flatly, throwing his hands up in the air. “You really expect me to believe all of this?!”

“Hard to deny the evidence,” Wheeljack said softly, pointing at Sideswipe’s chest.

Sunstreaker’s head turned and he looked at Wheeljack. Sideswipe couldn’t see his brother’s expression, but it must have been something, judging by how Wheeljack flinched back.

“… get out. All of you,” Sunstreaker commanded suddenly. “I need to talk to my twin.”

“Sunny, your brother needs…” Ratchet protested but Sunstreaker shook his head.

“I need five minutes, Ratchet.”

Ratchet and Sunstreaker had a staring contest for several seconds before the medic threw up his hands and stormed out. Wheeljack and the others slowly followed, Wheeljack looking worriedly between the two of them.

When the door of their quarters slid shut, Sunstreaker came over to the couch and kneeled down beside it again. His gaze roved Sideswipe’s features for a moment before he cupped Sideswipe’s cheek.

“Truth?” he whispered, gaze boring into Sideswipe’s. Sideswipe refused to look away, letting his brother see it in his optics.

“Truth,” Sideswipe said. “I’m sorry. I know it’s a huge thing to drop on you.”

“I can’t feel it,” Sunstreaker said, his cooling fans clicking on, belaying his calm demeanor. “How can I not feel the way your spark looks?”

Sideswipe let his optics slip closed and he loosened his hold on his end of the bond a little. He heard Sunstreaker gasp and when he opened his optics again, Sunstreaker was clutching the armor over his own spark.

“I’ve gotten a lot of practice hiding it from you,” Sideswipe whispered. “I know it’s sudden for you, but this has been… _months_ for me.”

Sunstreaker’s face crumpled. “Are you sure? Sideswipe, are you _sure_?”

Sideswipe reached out and drew his twin to him, the two of them clinging to one another. “I’m just a dumb grunt,” Sideswipe whispered. “The smartest mechs we know couldn’t think of anything else.”

“You’re not dumb,” Sunstreaker insisted, drawing back a little. He gazed into Sideswipe’s optics, and Sideswipe stroked his brother’s upper arm. “This is just… how do we do this? What will happen after? Can you even survive it?”

Sideswipe shrugged helplessly. “I have no idea.”

\--

“Ok, so the best I can figure is that once your bond is broken, the day will keep going and nothing will restart,” Wheeljack said, watching Ratchet fiddle with his spark monitor.

“As best as you can figure?” Ratchet said scathingly. “You’re asking a pair of spark-split twins to try and dissolve a life-long spark bond and that’s all you have?”

Wheeljack winced and glanced back at Perceptor and Skyfire. “As best as all three of us can figure?” he offered hesitantly.

Sideswipe sighed and turned his head. Sunstreaker was right next to him on another medical berth, the two of them separated by mere inches. Both of them had been prepped with every single live-saving device Ratchet had on hand. First Aid and Hoist had been informed and were on call with the expectations that they would be simultaneously treating two crashing mechs.

All in all, the start of a great day.

“This is insane,” Ratchet muttered, Sideswipe silently agreeing. “All right. I’ve done all I can. The rest is up to you two… don’t die, alright?”

Sideswipe nodded solemnly. “We’ll do our best to not do that, Ratch.”

Everyone backed up a bit and then stared at the two of them. Which wasn’t uncomfortable in the slightest.

“Uh… could we have the room?” Sideswipe asked tentatively. “You can leave the door open and all, but this may take a while. And everyone keep an eye on Jack, make sure he doesn’t spontaneously combust or anything and reset us.”

Ratchet frowned, but the four of them trooped out of the recovery suite and then it was just Sideswipe and Sunstreaker left.

“How are you planning to go about this?” Sunstreaker asked quietly. Sideswipe shrugged.

“I have no idea. I’m just going to start feeling around at first and go from there,” Sideswipe replied. “Sorry if I let things slip; I may not have enough concentration for both.”

“It’s all right. Hey…”

Sideswipe reopened his optics and turned his head to glance at his twin. “Yeah?”

“… love you.”

“I love you too, Sunny,” Sideswipe feelingly. “Thanks for believing me and Jack. Alright, I’mma get started.”

Settling into the berth mattress, Sideswipe shut his optics and let himself go limp. It was easy and familiar to dive into their bond; he’d done it a million times before, in search of comfort or reassurance. But this time, he figuratively took a step back and examined the edges and layers of it.

The link between them really was a beautiful thing, he mused. Colorful, without having a name for all the different colors. And it was warm… so warm that Sideswipe had a difficult time drawing back from it, especially as it helped soothe the pain in his spark.

“Sunny…” he said out loud after several minutes. “I think I’m going to need your help with this.”

His twin’s presence joined him on the deeper levels and Sideswipe wordlessly showed him what he had found. Their bond was almost like a four line highway running between them. But instead of four lanes across it was two on top of each other. The lanes were so intricately woven with one another, but after some probing Sideswipe could tell that the ‘top’ layer originated from him and bottom from Sunstreaker.

At the originating points, the weave wasn’t as complex and it was there that Sideswipe directed his brother to.

_Here. We both have to do this. But you on your end and me on mine,_ Sideswipe said.

_Ok, so we have the where. But what about the ‘how’?_ Sunstreaker asked.

Sideswipe considered his bond source, mentally plucking and pulling at it. Where it emanated directly from his spark, there was some give to it. Probably because of his spark damage. He pressed firmly against it and after a few moments, felt it give a little more. Then he figuratively grabbed hold of it and started pulling his portion of the bond away from his spark.

And wow, that hurt. But the spot weakened further.

_Here. Pull. Pull it away from your spark. It definitely doesn’t feel good, though_, Sideswipe warned. 

_I didn’t suspect it would,_ Sunstreaker muttered. He fumbled a little but eventually got the hang of it and a sharp bolt of pain shot through Sideswipe.

_Fuck,_ Sunstreaker growled.

_Yeah. I felt that. If you’re able to block it from me, that would be great, but I think there’ll be a point where we won’t be able to,_ Sideswipe said. Almost immediately, the pain from Sunstreaker’s half of the bond quieted down to a barely there tickle.

_So we just keep doing this?_ Sunstreaker asked. _Until both sides break completely? … I hate this._

_ I know, _Sideswipe said mournfully. _I know, but it’s the only way I can see us getting out of this stupid situation. We can rebuild a bond after we fix all this… I think._

If he lived through it… if Sunstreaker lived through it… maybe they could rebuild.

Sunstreaker pulsed him a wordless ball of irritation and grief and Sideswipe did his best to ignore it. His instinct was to comfort his twin, but they were trying to weaken their bond, not use it more.

So Sideswipe kept pulling, his already damaged spark feeding his HUD several flashing warning signs. He metaphorically gritted his denta and pushed through the pain, ignoring the way his head started to feel like it was full of cotton.

Every now and then, his control slipped and what he was feeling bounced back to Sunstreaker. It was the same on his twin’s end and as they fragmented the bond thread by thread, the agony grew. It settled into his struts, made every ventilation ache and every pulse of his fuel pump stutter.

Sideswipe became so lost in it that it took nearly a minute before the shouting of his name registered. When it did, he opened his optics to blearily gaze up at Ratchet. The medic’s expression was pained although that eased some when Sideswipe looked at him.

“Stop. You need to rest or you’re going to put yourself into spark failure,” Ratchet instructed.

“I… can’t… have to…”

“… yourself and possibly Wheeljack,” Ratchet added, glancing over to Sideswipe’s right. Sideswipe laboriously turned his head to see Wheeljack laid out on a cot, another spark monitor hooked up to him. He was ventilating deeply, the fingers of his left hand digging into the armor over his chest.

“Sunny?” Sideswipe asked, feeling a strange sort of numbness from where his twin normally resided in the back of his spark and his head. He wanted to pursue it, but held himself back by only the thinnest edges of control.

“Doing surprisingly well, although he wasn’t injured to begin with,” Ratchet said. “His sparkrate is arrhythmic but not dangerously so.”

“Good,” Sideswipe said, sighing and licking his lips. Everything hurt. His plating felt ten times heavier than normal. “How long should I…?”

“At least an hour. I don’t know if it’ll help a lot, but I want your spark to rest,” Ratchet said. “I could induce a short stasis?”

Sideswipe nodded carefully at the suggestion. “Yeah. Do that… otherwise, I might… be tempted to repair things.”

“Fair enough. Inducing you now,” Ratchet said and almost immediately, Sideswipe felt a spreading lethargy overtake him. 

Sneaky medic. Ratchet had planned on doing it anyway, even if Sideswipe had said no.

And then everything went black.

\--

When he woke back up, Sideswipe had the fear that somehow the day had started all over again. But the orange ceiling had none of the normal graffiti and there was a persistent beeping in the background.

He turned his head and idly watched the monitor of the unit attached to him, frowning after a moment. Sideswipe wasn’t a doctor, but the rhythm on the screen certainly didn’t look normal. It was instinct to reach out to his twin, see how he was doing… but Sideswipe reined it in at the last second. He felt a lot more pain now so it was likely that Sunstreaker had managed to work on his end of the bond more.

“How’re you feeling?”

Sideswipe turned his head again, seeking out Ratchet’s voice. The medic was sitting in a chair in the corner of the room, next to Sunstreaker’s berth.

Which was empty.

“Woah, calm down, he’s fine,” Ratchet exclaimed when Sideswipe started flailing around. “He’s still in Medical; I couldn’t let him leave. But he thought it might make things a little easier if there was some distance between the two of you. He said he was constantly thinking about coming over to you and renewing the bond.”

Considering how it felt like his chest was the container for a thermite reaction, Sideswipe understood the sentiment. He let himself be lowered back down to the berth, searching Ratchet’s face for any other hints to what had happened in the past hour.

“Did he…?”

“No, not completely,” Ratchet replied, replacing two of the leads that had fallen off in Sideswipe’s scramble. “But he said it probably wouldn’t take much longer. He told me to tell you to hurry it up on your end so the two of you can start rebonding as soon as possible.”

Sideswipe grimaced. “How’s he doing?”

Neither one of them did well when separated for long periods of time, but Sunstreaker always got a little… weird. Alternatively withdrawn and nonresponsive to raging and manic. Even when they reunited, it would take some time for Sunstreaker to even back out.

“He’s under a light sedation,” Ratchet admitted. “Not enough to keep him from working on the bond, though. “

Ah. Well that answered that question.

“Did you take all his weapons from him? If not, you may want to. I have no idea how he’s going to react once we’re completely cut off from one another,” Sideswipe said. His voice wavered as he did so.

His entire being rebelled against the idea, the monitor next to him beeping faster. Ratchet laid a hand on Sideswipe’s shoulder and gently squeezed.

“He already gave them up, willingly,” Ratchet replied. “And I grabbed all of yours that Sunny knew about while you were out. Just in case.”

Sideswipe did a mental check and nodded. “Missed a knife,” he said, pulling it out of subspace and handing it over. “I feel a little naked now,” he joked.

Naked and scared and in pain. He wanted his twin. Badly.

But he wasn’t going to get Sunstreaker until they finished this, so he forced the majority of his attention internally, back to the weakened origination point of his bond. It was pretty frayed as it was; he had apparently gotten further than he had realized.

He hated that it was as easy as this.

“Wheeljack doing ok?” Sideswiped asked absently, realizing that he hadn’t seen the inventor in the room when he had woke up.

“Much better,” Ratchet said, as if from a distance. “Sideswipe? Sideswipe, what are you doing?”

Tearing into the weakened span of the bond. Clawing at it, feeling it start to give a little more with each pass. Sideswipe was suddenly desperate to get this over with. Who knew how long it would take before Wheeljack tripped on something and managed to kill himself and then they’d have to start all over again.

And he didn’t know if he was strong enough to do this again.

“Sideswipe, slow down!” Ratchet exclaimed, Sideswipe distantly feeling the press of the medic’s hand over this chest.

“… need to… finish it…” Sideswipe growled out through gritted denta.

“You need to stay _alive_ to finish it,” Ratchet growled back. “Your spark rhythm is wildly out of control. You’ll put yourself into a full shutdown if you don’t stop immediately. You’ll have to start all over again, if you even make it to the next loop and you’ll take Sunny with you. Is that what you want?”

Sideswipe abruptly yanked himself out of the bond with a gasp, opening his optics to stare at Ratchet. For some reason, they weren’t working right; Ratchet looked all blurry.

“I hate this. Ratch, I hate this,” Sideswipe murmured, feeling something trickle down his cheek. When he touched a finger to it, he realized he was crying.

Oh. That’s why everything was so blurry.

“I know. I’m sorry, Sideswipe,” Ratchet said. He laid a gentle hand atop Sideswipe’s helm and Sideswipe let his optic shutters slip nearly shut at the reassuring touch. “I’d like to blame Wheeljack, but from what I understand, it’s not entirely his fault. This isn’t fair to any of you.

“But… it is what it is, apparently. And you and Sunstreaker are two of the strongest mechs I know. I know you can get through this. Just… don’t rush.”

Sideswipe stared up at Ratchet for a long moment before finally giving a weak laugh. “Since when are you an inspirational speaker?”

He mentally returned to gently pushing at the weak section of the bond, slowly and methodically unraveling the thin threads at the edges and working on the stronger bits in the middle. It would take forever this way, but Sideswipe didn’t want to bring Sunstreaker with him if he did manage to kill himself.

“Well, I could whack you on the head with a wrench but I’m thinking you need your processor for this one. Not everything is done through brute strength,” Ratchet replied. He glanced over at the spark monitor and nodded.

“Better. Slow and steady wins the race, Sideswipe.”

“’m not a turtle,” Sideswipe slurred and closed his optics the rest of the way. He sank down deep within himself and wrapped the pain around him like a shawl.

He could handle pain. The majority of his life had been pain and he had gotten through that. He could get through this too.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> No deaths, but descriptions of impending spark failure, the breaking of a spark bond


	18. Loop 103: Ratchet

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ratchet weighs in on everything's that is happening as well as discovering a small flicker of light in all the dark

Ratchet fretted.

Oh, he hid it as best as he could, by bustling around the Bay like inventory was going to be the one thing standing between the Autobots and losing the war. Or if the surgery suite floors weren’t immaculate. Or if his office wasn’t neat and tidy.

“Ratch? Buddy? You ok?” Wheeljack’s voice wafted in from out in the hall. Ratchet sat back on the heels of his pedes and stared at the doorway until a familiar helm fin poked into view.

“As well as I can be. You? Still feeling all right?”

Even thought he’d remotely checked Wheeljack’s vitals two minutes prior, Ratchet checked them again, noting another irregularity in his spark rhythm. They came and went, depending on what Sideswipe was doing with his end of the bond, Ratchet supposed. Fortunately, since Sideswipe had taken a stasis nap, both his and Wheeljack’s spark patterns were remaining relatively stable.

Seeing those patterns on any other day, Ratchet would be having a spark attack of his own, but apparently they were the new norm for the moment.

“I’m good,” Wheeljack said, venturing into the room. He looked timid, as if Ratchet was going to yell at him at any moment. Which was ridiculous.

He’d already done that earlier.

“Help me up,” Ratchet said, imperiously holding his hand out. “I’m too old to be down here on my knees.”

“Well, why did you get down there in the first place?” Wheeljack asked, stepping forward. He grasped Ratchet’s hand and pulled, Ratchet stumbling to his feet in a loud creak of gears and joints. “Primus, Ratch, when’s the last time you let Hoist or First Aid maintain you?”

“I was cleaning,” Ratchet said with a sniff. “Seemed like a good time. And just last week.”

Wheeljack raised an orbital ridge and Ratchet shrugged. “Ok, maybe a few years ago. You gonna let go or what?”

Ratchet jostled his hand which was still held tight in both of Wheeljack’s. Wheeljack looked down at them, and released Ratchet with what was almost a disappointed sigh.

“I didn’t realize you needed hand-holding,” Ratchet joked, a little surprised by Wheeljack’s reaction. “This bothering you that much, huh?”

Wheeljack’s head jerked up and he stared wide-opticked at Ratchet. “No! I mean, kind of… but I know… ugh. Never mind.”

He took a step back but Ratchet followed him, shooting out a hand to grip Wheeljack’s wrist. Wheeljack was being shifty and nothing good came from Wheeljack being shifty. “Jack… what’s going on?”

“Nothing! Nothing, I swear! This is a new loop and I just forgot…” Wheeljack shook his head. “Really, it’s nothing.”

“You wouldn’t be babbling if it was nothing. What did you forget?” Ratchet asked. They’d been friends for long enough to know that protests like that one were 40% ‘Please just ignore it’ and 60% ‘Please keep asking’.

Wheeljack jerked his hand out of Ratchet’s grip and scuttled backwards. His fingers rubbed at where Ratchet’s had been as Ratchet stared at him in surprise.

Ok. So maybe he had read those signals wrong.

“I keep forgetting that you don’t love me like that anymore!” Wheeljack exclaimed. Then he shoved both hands at his face, covering his blast mask as if to retroactively keep the words from coming out.

Ratchet blinked at Wheeljack, a tingling sort of… anxiety? ...anticipation?... spreading through him. “Jack, what are you talking about? What do you mean ‘like that’ anymore? What… did something happen… between us… on a different loop?”

Wheeljack’s arms fell to his sides and he mournfully gazed at Ratchet. “It didn’t mean anything. It was an accident, and it only happened once and it didn’t mean anything, I promise. I don’t want things to change between us. You’re my best friend, Ratch. I never want to lose that.”

Ratchet nervously licked his lips. “What _exactly_… happened?”

It wasn’t all that surprising, to be honest. They’d always been close, but there had been several times in their long acquaintance with one another that Ratchet thought they were going to take a step into something… more. Ratchet hadn’t been averse to the idea the few times he realized they were standing at the precipice of a romantic instead of platonic relationship. But each time, something happened to prevent it.

One of them would be transferred elsewhere, one of them would be so absorbed in a project that the outside world faded away, or another relationship rose up instead.

Wheeljack shook his head again, ducking his helm. “Don’t… please, don’t,” he murmured.

He looked so downtrodden, more so than Ratchet had ever seen him. It was second nature to walk forward and grasp Wheeljack by the shoulders, giving him a little shake.

“Hey. Look at me,” Ratchet instructed, Wheeljack doing just that with a startled expression on his face. “It’s ok. I’m a little astounded it only happened the one time, actually.”

“Wha…? Really?” Wheeljack asked, helm fins blinking a shocked yellow. He sucked in air through his vents and both hands rose up to press against the plating covering his spark.

Ratchet jostled him again. “Really… _idiot. _It’s always been there, Jackie,” he said softly. “I only never acted on it because…”

He shrugged his shoulders after a moment of thought. “You know, there was a reason once, but I can’t remember it anymore. Seems kind of stupid really. So. I’m not upset, I’m not mad. In fact…”

Ratchet leaned forward, rising up on his pedetips to press a quick kiss against Wheeljack’s blast mask. Wheeljack made a choked sound behind it and swayed forward.

“… I’m willing to give it a go if you are.”

Wheeljack pressed his forehelm against Ratchet’s and gave a wounded whimper. One of his arms moved in an aborted movement to reach out to Ratchet but then return to his own chest, fingers digging in. “Oh, Primus… I can’t… if we reloop, I can’t handle losing you. Not again.”

Ratchet shushed him, wrapping his arms around Wheeljack’s shoulders. “You always have me, Jackie. In one way or another. And if we reloop… just tell me. I’m the same me, whether it’s loop 3 or 103. Chances are I’m going to say the same thing…

“… yes.”

Wheeljack shook in Ratchet’s arms. He pulled back to gaze in Ratchet’s optics, searching his face for any hint of a lie. He sagged in place when Ratchet just placidly stared back at him, gently smiling.

“You…”

“Ratchet!”

The two of them broke apart just as First Aid rushed into the room. “Sideswipe’s seizing!”

Ratchet reflexively checked his HUD and cursed. Sideswipe’s spark rate had nearly doubled and he couldn’t immediately ascertain why. He darted out of his office and made a beeline for Sideswipe’s room two doors down. Wheeljack and First Aid followed on his heels, Wheeljack’s right fist balled up and pressed against his thoracic armor.

Ratchet had thought Wheeljack had been touching his chest due to emotional upheaval and that was honestly pretty likely. But now it looked like Wheeljack had also been feeling some of the changes in Sideswipe’s spark again as well.

“How long?” Ratchet demanded, rushing to Sideswipe’s side. In actuality, the seizure was relatively mild; his arms and legs were only mildly twitching, but his helm was wobbling around, optics rolled to the back of his helm.

“Maybe twenty seconds before I ran to get you,” First Aid said. “I wasn’t sure what you wanted me to do…”

“Understandable,” Ratchet said, plugging into a cephalic medical port. He quickly initiated Sideswipe’s chest armor to unlock, exposing his spark casing. The shrunken spark was flaring wildly behind the crystal, the color gone even darker than when Ratchet had first seen it this morning.

“Is Hoist with Sunny?” Ratchet asked, holding a hand out over Sideswipe’s spark. He jerked it away with a curse, his palm practically seared from the blistering heat.

“Yes. Said Sunstreaker is not responding to hails and is a little bit restless, but no seizures,” First Aid replied.

“So Sideswipe is the problem child again. Figures,” Ratchet said, sighing. “Hand me… thank you.”

Ratchet took the pre-made syringe of sedative and injected into Sideswipe’s jugular port. Almost immediately, the tremors subsided and Sideswipe relaxed back against the berth. It did nothing for the mech’s core temperature however, Ratchet noticed. It was ten degrees above normal and still climbing.

Sideswipe’s vents were already wide open and blowing out heat. Ratchet turned his focus to another set of directives and revved Sideswipe’s engine in three short bursts. On the second, Ratchet heard a click in Sideswipe’s internals and then a hum. Ratchet nodded in satisfaction.

“Water pump had failed. Got it running again,” Ratchet commented. “First Aid, I’ll need a line… thank you. Why did you even call for me again?” he asked dryly when First Aid shoved the end of a fluid line into Ratchet’s hand. A quick check showed that the line was already hooked up to a ready container of coolant.

“Because Sideswipe is your favorite,” First Aid replied nonchalantly.

Ratchet’s head whipped up to stare at his apprentice. “I’m sorry, what?”

First Aid returned Ratchet’s stare with an unimpressed look. “You know it’s true. Don’t even try and deny it.”

Wheeljack quietly snorted in the corner and Ratchet glared at him before returning his attention to the patient (just a patient, an everyday, run of the mill patient and certainly not his favorite!) in front of him.

“… I’ve just put a lot of time and effort into keeping him alive, that’s all,” Ratchet muttered quietly.

“You’ve put a lot of time and effort into keeping me alive too,” Wheeljack pointed out.

“That’s different! You’re a different kind of favorite!” Ratchet snapped. Wheeljack’s optics widened right before they softened. He placed a hand over his chest, fingers flattened out over the armor.

“You’re my favorite too, Ratch.”

Ratchet grunted dismissively, but he couldn’t keep the small smile off his face at the words.

“All right, now that we’ve established who everyone’s favorites are,” First Aid said cheekily, “… what else should we do with Sideswipe?” 

“There’s not much else we can do,” Ratchet replied, taking a step back and critically assessing the spark monitor. Sideswipe’s spark rate had decreased back into a high normal although his rhythm was still frightening. “I’m assuming this episode indicates that Sideswipe is close to breaking the bond completely. We just have to keep him going until then.”

“And be ready to bring Sunstreaker in one so they can stabilize one another,” First Aid said softly. “I don’t think this will end particularly well.”

Ratchet sighed, running a hand over his face. Breaking a twin bond…

He’d never met this Brainstorm fellow, but if he had had access to him Ratchet would be giving him a piece of his mind right about now.


	19. Loop 103: Sunstreaker

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sunstreaker's pretty much done with all this

Sunstreaker had suffered through a lot of pain in his life, but pain from his twin bond was a new one. He couldn’t quite tell if the intensity of it was because it was a new experience or because the pain came from someplace so intrinsic to his very being.

Regardless, Sunstreaker hated it. The pain was one thing, but he hated essentially unraveling himself. And causing further damage to his twin.

Before they had started, Sunstreaker would have scoffed at this whole entire venture. But that had been before seeing his brother’s damaged spark, seeing the flash of memories every time Sideswipe’s blocks wavered. He didn’t know how it had all come down to this, but apparently Wheeljack, Sideswipe, and whoever they had roped into helping them on a particular loop couldn’t come up with anything else besides destroying one of Sunstreaker’s most precious possessions.

So be it. He’d do his part and then the instant this stupid time travel slag was resolved, he’d sequester himself with Sideswipe and work on rebuilding their bond back to where it had been before. And to Pit with everything and everyone else. There was nothing more important.

Something kept poking at his consciousness. At first, he ignored it, grimly devoted to picking away at where their bond attached to his spark. But the hails were damn annoying, so he eventually left off and cracked his optics, glaring up at whoever had been calling him.

“Ah, good, there you are,” Hoist commended, nodding once Sunstreaker focused in on him. “I was worried there for a moment.”

“…why?” Sunstreaker croaked out, his voice feeling harsh in the back of his throat. Was this what the flu felt like for humans? It certainly sounded like it: full body aches, temperature swings, achy throat and head. Well, Sunstreaker disapproved.

“Your higher processing power had nearly flatlined. We were worried that there had been some kind of backlash from Sideswipe’s seizure,” Hoist said, far too calmly for that type of news.

It was reflexive to reach out to his twin, but the touch skittered off into nowhere. It was like hitting a rock in the road and being forced off it. Their connection to one another was littered with barriers and potholes, patchy and broken.

Sunstreaker mourned the normally smooth and clear link between them.

“He had a seizure?!” Sunstreaker exclaimed, intending on sitting up and rolling off the berth. What he managed to do instead was flop his legs about and make it up to one elbow. Hoist immediately leaned forward and with barely any pressure, shoved Sunstreaker prone again.

Ugh. It was mortifying how weak he was.

“It was reportedly mild and he responded to medication right away,” Hoist said, gently patting Sunstreaker’s shoulder. “We attributed his lower processing power to the meds; we weren’t sure about yours.”

“I don’t know, maybe it’s because we’re destroying a life-long spark bond?” Sunstreaker said, irritably twitching away from Hoist’s hand.

“I’m sure that plays a part. How are you feeling otherwise?” Hoist asked, examining his scanner’s output and checking each of the monitors hooked up to Sunstreaker.

“Like slag warmed over,” Sunstreaker replied, shutting his optics and settling back down into the berth. Ratchet was standing by with Sideswipe; there wasn’t anything Sunstreaker would be able to do so might as well get comfortable again. “I think it won’t take much longer.”

“Good. Well, I mean, not good,” Hoist said, backpeddling when Sunstreaker cracked an optic and glared. “You know what I mean.”

Sunstreaker huffed and fell silent again, the majority of his attention dipping inwards. “I know what you mean.”

His bond was a battlefield of advanced wear and tear, but it still existed. There were several weak spots that Sunstreaker went back to poking at, figuratively gritting his teeth when fresh pain ratcheted through him. The highway between Sideswipe and him vibrated occasionally, an indication that Sideswipe was still working on his end.

Sunstreaker’s discomfort was surrounded by a pervasive sensation of dread. The end would be soon.


	20. Loop 103: The End

By the time Sideswipe finally wore through his end of the bond, he was trembling non-stop with shivers. Or seizures, apparently. During one of moment of coherency, First Aid had told him that Sideswipe had had the occasional seizure.

Sideswipe guessed that made sense. He was pretty much killing himself, after all.

When the final string of his link to Sunstreaker snapped, Sideswipe really thought he had killed himself. The pain was… unimaginable.

He vaguely heard shouting. He thought he smelled something burning. And even if he didn’t die from this, he wanted to.

Sideswipe was alone. Utterly and completely alone. The hands touching him didn’t matter. The blurry faces above him didn’t matter. Only Sunstreaker mattered and Sideswipe couldn’t feel him anywhere. It was as if Sunstreaker had died.

For all Sideswipe knew, Sunstreaker _had_ died.

And what if that were the case? What if this fixed the time loop, but Sideswipe just kept living? Would it even be living? What was life without his twin?

“- to hold. Sideswipe, just hold on, we’re bringing Sunny in right now. Jack, was this enough? Is it…?”

“I don’t… I don’t know!”

Wheeljack’s voice sounded pained and he kept gasping. Sideswipe wondered if he felt everything that Sideswipe was feeling… the grief… the loss… the despair?

Sideswipe blinked and blinked again, raising his head up enough to stare down at his chest. The armor had been slid aside and his spark was bare to the world. It looked pitiful, a small little orb of navy and red flame, flickering fitfully inside its casing.

“Ratch? Ratch, am I dying?” Sideswipe murmured. It felt like he was floating, like he was moving away from his frame’s agony.

Ratchet’s optics filled Sideswipe’s field of vision, pinched at the corners with worry verging on outright fear.

“Not if I can help it. Just another minute, Sideswipe. Hoist is getting Sunstreaker right now so you two can merge and renew your bond.”

Sideswipe’s vision started graying around the edges and it felt like someone had just reached in and gripped his spark and squeezed it… hard.

“Not… not gonna make it…” Sideswipe gasped out. Across the room, he heard a loud crash and Ratchet’s head shot up.

“Jackie! No, no, damn it! Sideswipe, literally thirty seconds. Just hold on… please, just hold…”

Sideswipe’s audial and optical receptors crackled with static and then popped, leaving him in the dark, unable to hear. The hand squeezed even harder, until he thought his spark was going to pop as well. It didn’t, but instead there was a disquieting sensation of it flaring bright and then fizzling down to just an ember.

Moments later there was a small breeze… and the ember went out.


	21. Loop 104: A New Beginning

Sideswipe awoke with a gasp, flailed, and rolled off the couch, instinctively trying to move away from the source of pain. Once he was on his hands and knees, he went completely still. Then he slowly rocked back onto the heels of his pedes. When he raised his head, his sight was blurry from a welling up of tears, but he could still see that damned orange ceiling of his quarters.

He closed his optic shutters and firmly pressed his lips together to choke back the sobs. He didn’t want Sunstreaker to hear anything and come investigating. Sunstreaker had seen him die enough in the other loops; he shouldn’t have to watch this too.

Sideswipe had just placed the muzzle of his blaster against the armor over his aching spark when a hand gripped his wrist and yanked it aside. Sideswipe opened his optics to see Sunstreaker on his knees in front of him, a terrified expression on his face.

“I wasn’t… you don’t understand…” Sideswipe started. Sunstreaker shook his head and squeezed hard enough that Sideswipe’s fingers spasmed open. The blaster dropped to the floor between them.

“Don’t… _don’t_ do that,” Sunstreaker ground out. “It would be stupid if you died for real right after we did all that work to break the loop.”

Sideswipe’s optics widened, and his fuel pump stuttered with a traitorous flare of hope. “… loop? You mean you remember?”

Sunstreaker nodded, his optics looking pinched. “I remember. Fuck, I wish I didn’t, but I do. How do you feel?”

Unable to answer, Sideswipe rocked forward and flung himself at his twin. They fell into a tight embrace, hands clutching at one another. Their chests pressed together and Sideswipe felt his spark weakly sync up with Sunstreaker’s. It still hurt quite a bit and their bond felt fragile and incredibly thin.

But Sideswipe could feel it again. Somehow, against all odds… the plan had worked.

“I feel… I feel… ok,” Sideswipe choked out, burying his weeping optics in Sunstreaker’s shoulder. “But I don’t get it… we still started the day over? What does that mean?!”

All of a sudden, the ship-wide communications system crackled to life. Sideswipe and Sunstreaker broke apart, staring at the in-set speaker in the wall.

“Uh… does anyone else have a severe feeling of déjà vu?” Blaster asked, a low murmur of voices in the background.

Almost immediately, Wheeljack’s voice overlaid his. “Emergency command meeting - Prime’s office in ten minutes… Sideswipe, Sunstreaker, you should probably join us.”

\--

Everyone gathered kept looking back and forth between Wheeljack and Prowl. The second in command had quickly taken over the questioning once Wheeljack had gotten started. Now that Wheeljack had finished, the silence lingered as Prowl considered everything Wheeljack had said. Finally, Prowl stirred, his sensory panels arching just slightly above his back.

“And this… time loop… has now been broken?” Prowl inquired, his tone still containing a hint of disbelief.

Wheeljack glanced over his shoulder at Sideswipe. “I think? Sideswipe doesn’t appear to be about to kick it any time soon, right, Ratchet?”

Ratchet’s fingers tightened down from their place on Sideswipe’s shoulders. Sunstreaker and Sideswipe had staggered into Prime’s office shortly after the call for the emergency meeting, holding each other up and as weak as day old sparklings. Ratchet had taken one look and had immediately shoved both of them into chairs, fluttering back and forth between them, and practically snarling at anyone who had gotten close.

Sideswipe had exchanged a glance with Sunstreaker but they both had readily submitted to Ratchet’s scans and mother-henning. They were alive, after all; they could have died and never gotten to experience Ratchet’s overprotectiveness again. It kind of put that particular quirk of Ratchet’s in to a new light.

“It’s always still possible, but no, not right this second. Sideswipe and Sunstreaker will both be on mandatory medical leave for at least a week, however,” Ratchet replied. “You too, Jackie.”

Wheeljack looked like he was going to protest but ended up nodding instead. Wise mech, Sideswipe thought. Ratchet was noticeably stressed after having to witness his ‘favorites’ nearly dying. It would be cruel to argue with Ratchet’s wishes right now.

“That is excellent news,” Optimus said, giving Sideswipe a soft smile. The Prime’s blast mask was retracted, an unusual sight. But then again, things had been unusual for a while now so Sideswipe just smiled back and continued to soak up Sunstreaker’s presence at his side.

And in his spark.

“Then this day will proceed into the next one and the next and so on?” Prowl ventured.

Wheeljack paused a moment before nodding. “Pretty sure. Percy and I are still trying to figure out why we did one final loop backwards but we’re both in agreement that we’re in a proper time flow now.”

“Well, what’s next then?” Jazz asked from his position in the corner behind Optimus. He was lounging indolently against the wall, but Sideswipe could see how tense the third in command was. Understandable considering how much Jazz liked to be in the know about things. This situation was definitely one which had blind-sided everyone.

“Well, we…”

“Guys, there’s an incoming video transmission from the Nemesis.”

Blaster’s voice crackled to life over the room’s comm unit and everyone’s heads turned as one to stare at the speaker. After taking a moment to collect himself, Optimus cleared his intake.

“Blaster, you can patch it through to my office.”

“Sure thing, Boss,” Blaster said cheerfully, and the monitor on the wall flared to life in a burst of static. Seconds later, Megatron came into focus, Starscream and Soundwave standing behind him.

“Optimus,” Megatron intoned, inclining his head at the camera. His sharp optics flicked to the side and his gaze swept over the other occupants in the room, lingering on Wheeljack and Perceptor. “Starscream said your scientists might know why the start of this day seems so familiar to yesterday’s.”

“Oh! Yes! We were stuck in a time loop, one which no one but myself remembered,” Wheeljack replied helpfully, raising a hand. “Well, at least not until this last time around. But it was broken, so it’s all good now. Back to normal.”

Sideswipe glanced over at Sunstreaker, seeing his twin furrow his forehelm. They carefully didn’t look at Wheeljack because that had been a very particular choice of words on Wheeljack’s part. 

_How come he didn’t mention you?_ Sunstreaker asked.

_I think… maybe he’s protecting us?_ Sideswipe said thoughtfully. _Which I’m kinda glad for. We’re easy pickings right now, bro. I don’t want even _our_ people knowing that much less the ‘cons._

_ I see your point. _

“Back to normal? _Back to normal?_ That’s all you can say?!” Starscream demanded, leaning forward over Megatron’s shoulder and glaring at Wheeljack. “Can you guarantee that?”

Wheeljack looked taken back for a moment. “I… well, no, but…”

“Useless idiot!” Starscream snapped, throwing up his hands. 

“Starscream – why don’t you go and… check on something,” Megatron suggested. With a surprisingly gentle hand, he patted Starscream’s arm, turning the touch into a light push. Wings fluttering in agitation, Starscream glanced at Megatron, their gazes holding for several moments. Starscream finally huffed and whirled around, stalking off out of the view of the camera. In his absence, Soundwave moved closer, practically hovering over Megatron’s shoulder.

Sideswipe found it difficult to read the expression of a mech who wore both a visor and facemask, but he could have sworn the cassette dock looked unnerved.

It made Sideswipe wonder what exactly had happened to the Decepticons in the last loop. 

“My apologies…” Megatron said, genteelly inclining his head once more. “There was an… accident. Several mecha lost their lives and there was much confusion when the day started over again and those mechs were once more with us. We weren’t sure if we would have to witness their deaths or others’ again.”

“Yeah, no, totally understandable,” Wheeljack replied, voice solemn. “But at least you only went through that once. I experienced 103 loops although fortunately I didn’t see many others die because I usually went first. It was my deaths that restarted each loop.”

Megatron’s optics widened and he jerked back in his chair. Soundwave’s hand found its way to the Decepticon leader’s shoulder and rested there comfortingly.

Sideswipe and Sunstreaker exchanged another glance, their incredulous expressions a near match.

“My… condolences,” Megatron said haltingly, looking horrified and seemingly unable to find words.

“… thanks…” Wheeljack replied, equally awkwardly.

They all stared at Megatron on the monitor for several more seconds until Optimus cleared his intake. Megatron’s daze darted back to him.

“I am sorry for your loss, however temporary. It’s always difficult to lose a friend or a comrade especially as there are so few of us as it is,” Optimus said solemnly.

Megatron opened his mouth and then a thoughtful look crept across his face. He nodded slowly. “Thank you. And you’re right – our numbers are miniscule compared to what they used to be. This war has certainly taken its toll, hasn’t it, Prime?” 

All of a sudden, the warlord looked old and sad and Sideswipe shifted in his seat, uncomfortable. In the back of his head somewhere he knew that Megatron and the rest of the Decepticons weren’t evil, that they were people too. People who were hungry and tired and maybe even homesick. He and Sunstreaker had never really had a home, not the way that a lot of their fellow soldiers had. Their home was each other, wherever they were.

But that probably wasn’t the case for the ‘cons. They had had homes and lives and families before the war and both factions had so little after all these millennia. And now Sideswipe had proof that the Decepticons found that to be just as depressing as the Autobots did.

“It has indeed, Megatron,” Optimus replied. He looked as sad as Megatron did and Sideswipe reflexively leaned in against his brother’s arm, thinking about being torn away from his twin… his home … over and over again.

“I think… perhaps… we should explore the option of a peace treaty,” Megatron said. He then immediately looked over his shoulder at Soundwave as if to judge his reaction.

Soundwave went as still as everyone in Optimus’ quarters just had but almost immediately, he gave a barely perceptible nod and Megatron turned back to stare at the screen.

“We would be willing to discuss that,” Optimus said carefully after giving his own inquiring glance to Prowl. The only reaction the second in command made was a tiny little flick of the sensory panel closest to Prime.

Practically a declaration of excitement if one knew Prowl.

Megatron nodded decisively, his shoulders rising up out of the momentary slump. “Excellent. I will send you a communique shortly with details about a meeting locale and time?”

“I look forward to hearing from you again,” Optimus said warmly, his smile small but earnest. Megatron gazed at Optimus for a moment more, an odd look flashing across his faceplates before he reached forward and ended the call.

As soon as the screen went dark, the entire room erupted into chaos. Everyone started talking at once, throwing out suggestions that Megatron was lying, that it was all a trap, that it couldn’t be true. The volume hurt Sideswipe’s audials and all he wanted to do was go back to their quarters and cuddle Sunstreaker. But they hadn’t been dismissed yet so he hid his face in Sunstreaker’s shoulder and sighed, shutting his optic shutters.

Surprisingly, Sunstreaker didn’t let him rest there long. He abruptly jerked forward, causing Sideswipe to sway in his seat.

“Hey. Hey!” Sunstreaker shouted. Sideswipe opened his optics, blinking at his twin in surprise as Sunstreaker struggled to his feet.

“Yes, Sunstreaker?” Optimus asked politely, looking like he’d rather be discussing escape routes with Jazz than actually listening to Sunstreaker. Yet, he still gave Sunstreaker his full attention.

“For what it’s worth, I don’t think it’s a trap,” Sunstreaker said, his heavy gaze sweeping around the room. He pointed to the blank monitor. “That was the look of a mech who had just lost something that meant a lot to him. And now he just got it back and he doesn’t want it to come to harm if he can help it. He means what he said.”

Sunstreaker glanced down and Sideswipe clutched at his brother’s wrist, blasting the bond with every inch of the love he felt for him. It stung, but it was worth it to see Sunstreaker give him a small smile meant just for him.

“I agree,” Ratchet said. He shifted to the side, bumping into Wheeljack. He looked up at the engineer with a smile and Sideswipe blinked in surprise when he saw Ratchet’s hand snake out so he could twine his fingers between Wheeljack’s.

“I am inclined to believe him as well,” Optimus replied, gazing at Wheeljack and Ratchet’s hands with a beaming smile. “But I would be remiss if I did not consider every possibility. Megatron has offered peace as bait to a trap before, after all.”

Jazz snorted, his arms still crossed. “Yeah, I’ll believe it when I see it. But hey… gotta have hope.”

“Yes, we do,” Optimus said, looking happier than Sideswipe could ever remember seeing him. “As the humans say… ‘hope springs eternal’.”

Optimus turned back to Jazz and Prowl, smiling at them in turn. Even Prowl couldn’t seem to resist a small and tentative smile back.

“’Gotta have hope’,” Wheeljack murmured, only loud enough for Ratchet and the twins to hear. Sideswipe craned his head around, peering into the engineer’s face and recognizing the expression he wore.

Sideswipe thought that they had both lost hope there for a while, near the end. It had been hard not to, always starting over and never significantly moving forward.

The physical pain certainly hadn’t been fun either.

Pushing himself to his feet, Sideswipe took two steps and essentially collapsed against Wheeljack, throwing his arms around the very startled mech.

Sideswipe realized that he had been kind of selfish. Wheeljack had gone through just as many loops, had died just as many times and Sideswipe hadn’t done a whole lot in terms of being supportive. Sideswipe had just demanded Wheeljack fix things and that had had to have been a hefty burden to bear, especially when Sideswipe started showing signs of spark failure.

Wheeljack hesitantly embraced him, awkwardly patting Sideswipe’s back.

“Thank you,” Sideswipe murmured, his chin hooked over Wheeljack’s shoulder. He stared sightlessly at the wall behind them, feeling Sunstreaker’s optics lock on the two of them. “I’m sorry that I complicated things. And that I wasn’t much help.”

Wheeljack suddenly squeezed him tightly, making Sideswipe’s vents huff.

“I wasn’t alone,” Wheeljack murmured back, his voice shaking. “You have no idea how much help that was.”

“Yeah, I’m glad I wasn’t alone either,” Sideswipe said, remembering the sheer relief he had felt when he realized Wheeljack was in it with him.

Well, after the anger and irritation he’d experienced first.

A light hand on his lower back made him pull back and Sideswipe glanced over to see Ratchet gazing at him. Ratchet’s fingers tapped out a nonsense rhythm on his plating and then slid away.

“I want you and Sunstreaker to go get some rest now,” Ratchet informed him. Sideswipe nodded gratefully as he felt Sunstreaker move to his side. “The two of you won’t be needed for the remainder of this discussion.”

Sideswipe looked over his shoulder to see Optimus gesturing at something on his data pad. Prowl leaned in and pointed at something on the device’s screen. Jazz, Red Alert, and Ironhide hovered close by. They were all presumably looking over the information Megatron had sent, strategizing escape plans and failsafes in case Megatron was planning a trap.

Sideswipe was inclined to agree with his twin. Megatron had been shaken by something over the past day. Shaken enough to want to put a stop to the war and not lose anything… or anyone… else dear to him.

Sometimes it took losing something to realize just how important it was to you.

“I’m not gonna say no to that,” Sideswipe said to Ratchet, leaning against his twin. “Think I’m gonna recharge for a week.”

“Well, if all goes well, you’ll definitely be able to,” Wheeljack commented, gesturing towards Optimus and the others. “We all will.”

Sideswipe started for the exit, gently pulling on Sunstreaker’s arm as he did so. He gestured with his chin at Ratchet, winking salaciously at Wheeljack. “Make sure he gets some rest too, eh, Jack? After you wear him out a bit first.”

Giggling a little at the bashful expression on Wheejack’s face and the outraged one on Ratchet’s, Sideswipe quickly made his escape.

Or as quick as he could with his poor, abused frame screaming obscenities at him the whole way.

“What do you think’s going on with Soundwave and Megatron?” Sunstreaker asked idly as they made their slow way down the hall.

Sideswipe shrugged and nearly tipped over. Righting himself, he used a hand on the wall as a prop. “No idea. Maybe whatever’s going on there is what gave Megatron a change of spark. I don’t really care what caused it… just that it happened.”

“Mm,” Sunstreaker said noncommittedly. “And Ratchet and Wheeljack?”

“You can’t tell me that that’s not been a long time coming,” Sideswipe replied, thinking of all the times he’d seen the medic and the engineer in each other’s orbit. “They deserve something nice. Wheeljack especially, after all… that.”

He waved his free hand about in a general manner, only to have it captured in one of Sunstreaker’s. They came to a stop, Sunstreaker moving around to face him, his expression serious.

“You deserve something nice as well. 103 loops… and I wasn’t there for you. I can’t even imagine what you went through.”

Sideswipe twisted his wrist so that he could grab and squeeze his brother’s hand. “Won’t lie, it sucked,” Sideswipe said bluntly. “But you _were_ there. Even if you didn’t remember, you were still there. If I hadn’t had you… well, I probably wouldn’t be the strapping, well-adjusted young mech standing before you now.”

“You’re not well-adjusted,” Sunstreaker announced after staring into Sideswipe’s optics for an uncomfortably long period of time.

Sideswipe’s smile crumpled at the edges, just a little bit. “Not, not really, Sunny. I’m probably gonna be paranoid and weird for a while until I can force myself to remember that it’s all over,” he said truthfully.

Sunstreaker shrugged nonchalantly. “You’ve always been weird. Nothing I’m not used to.”

He then tugged at Sideswipe’s fingers and got them moving again. “C’mon. What do you say to a nice wax in our washracks? My treat.”

Sideswipe shuddered and violently shook his head, remembering how he’d slipped and cracked his helm open not only once, but twice in there. “I’m not going in our ‘racks for the foreseeable future. We can go to the ones near Bluestreak’s quarters though. Never died in there. Near there, but never in there.”

Sunstreaker gave him a sidelong look but just nodded. “Ok, well, we’ll get our supplies and use that one then.”

“Awesome,” Sideswipe said with a little sigh of relief. “You’re the best, bro. And hey… how do you feel about burning our couch?”

~ End


End file.
